Beyond Orthodox Conversion to Judaism

The next of the 48 ways to acquire Torah is loving rebuke.Why would someone want to get rebuked, and then actually like it? This will depend on where the rebuke is coming from.

If indeed the person giving rebuke is telling his friend what he is doing wrong because he actually cares for his well being, then the friend will be ever so grateful for the kindness the other one is doing for him. The reason is because his friend is trying to help him change and become a better person.

The problem is that sometimes our ego's get in the way and even if someone is trying to help us, we will be reluctant to accept the help and want to work things out on our own. Not only that, but we may possibly resent the other person for "meddling" into my business. If it is done right, though, this person may indeed be saving the friend's life.

There is a famous story with the Chofetz Chaim that illustrates this point. There was someone in the yeshiva in Radin who smoked on shabbos. Word got back to the Chofetz Chaim and he called to speak to the boy.

The boy came in and the Chofetz Chaim looked at him, grabbed his hand very tightly, began crying and said the word "Shabbos" That was it. From that day on, that boy never smoked again on Shabbos and continued to be a religious Jew the rest of his life.

Rebuke like that which comes straight from the heart will have its affect. Only a mentor who knows his student well must be able to give rebuke in a way that the student can handle it and grow from it. Today, we don't know how to give rebuke and a person has to be very careful if he does give it.

The most important thing to know if one give's another rebuke is to do it out of love and general caring. If it is done that way, then it has a chance of being accepted and acted upon.