Beyond Orthodox Conversion to Judaism

The next of the 48 ways to acquire Torah is minimize intimacy. This is one of the most powerful drives a person has. If it is used properly, then one can sanctify his life tremendously. If not, then we give in to our base instincts that does not separate us from the animals.

There is an allusion that I have to act on this urge when I have it. The fallacy is that the more you give into it, the more you will be satisfied. In reality, the problem is that the more you feed it the more it wants. Even if one is married, if you act on that urge so much, the relationship is then only based on physicality which makes it base and self-centered.

The purpose of intimacy is to draw the couple together and give completeness to each other. Husband and wife work hard throughout their lives developing their relationship and keeping their bond strong.
It also binds husband and wife together since we focus on giving to the other person.

That is the greatest chesed one can do, is to give to another person unconditionally. In the context of marriage, we learn to give and develop that bond. This is why the Torah forbids intimacy not in the context of marriage. The reason is that it is the culmination of that bond, not just an act to get pleasure.

Marriage gives us the opportunity to form a complete unit. It is connecting two souls to form into one. The relationship becomes the focus of your life. It is something that we need to work on and continue to work on. It is like a plant, if you don't water it, it will die. Intimacy is a precious gift if it used and harnessed properly.

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