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Blog Archive

About Me

Rabbi Chaim Coffman
Rabbi Coffman has helped people from all across the spectrum to prepare themselves properly for Orthodox Conversion to Judaism. His students admire his vast knowledge and appreciate his warm, personal attention and endearing sense of humor.
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Welcome to Rabbi Chaim Coffman's Blog!

I would like to thank you for visiting my blog, Beyond Orthodox Conversion to Judaism.

The conversion process can be a lengthy and daunting one to say the least and I want you to know that I am here to help you through it.

I have been teaching newcomers to Judaism for over a decade and over the last few years I have seen that conversion candidates really lack the support and knowledge they need to navigate the conversion process and successfully integrate into the Orthodox Jewish community.

I created my mentorship program in order to help make this whole experience as smooth and as painless as possible! (Can't do much about the growing pains, though ;)

Feel free to get to know me a little through the posts on my blog and visit the mentorship and syllabus page if you are interested in possible joining us.

I sincerely wish you all the best in your search for truth and spiritual growth.

Looking forward to meeting you,
Chaim Coffman

My Rebbe, Rav Moshe Sternbuch

In case you were wondering why I have all of these articles written by Rav Moshe Sternbuch, he is my Rebbe, and one of the gedolei hador (greatest Rabbis of our generation).

Rav Sternbuch fully endorses me and supports my mentorship program.

He is the address for all of my halachic or hashkafic (practical and philosophical) questions that I or my students may have.

The articles are based on his weekly talks on the Torah portion that the Rav gives in Jerusalem in his kollel. As a member of the kollel I get first dibbs on the photocopies and I type them up for my blog so you can all benefit from the Rav's erudition and insight.
Monday, April 15, 2013

48 Ways to Acquire Torah: Minimize Intimacy

The next of the 48 ways to acquire Torah is minimize intimacy. This is one of the most powerful drives a person has. If it is used properly, then one can sanctify his life tremendously. If not, then we give in to our base instincts that does not separate us from the animals.

There is an allusion that I have to act on this urge when I have it. The fallacy is that the more you give into it, the more you will be satisfied. In reality, the problem is that the more you feed it the more it wants. Even if one is married, if you act on that urge so much, the relationship is then only based on physicality which makes it base and self-centered.

The purpose of intimacy is to draw the couple together and give completeness to each other. Husband and wife work hard throughout their lives developing their relationship and keeping their bond strong.
It also binds husband and wife together since we focus on giving to the other person.

That is the greatest chesed one can do, is to give to another person unconditionally. In the context of marriage, we learn to give and develop that bond. This is why the Torah forbids intimacy not in the context of marriage. The reason is that it is the culmination of that bond, not just an act to get pleasure.

Marriage gives us the opportunity to form a complete unit. It is connecting two souls to form into one. The relationship becomes the focus of your life. It is something that we need to work on and continue to work on. It is like a plant, if you don't water it, it will die. Intimacy is a precious gift if it used and harnessed properly.