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- Rav Sternbuch on Parshas Bo
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- How do I Incorporate the Secular World into my "Ne...
- Community Issues and Fitting In
- Is it really true I can get through the conversion...
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- Rav Sternbuch on Parshas Bo
- No title
- How do I Incorporate the Secular World into my "Ne...
- Community Issues and Fitting In
- Is it really true I can get through the conversion...
- Looking for the Already Converted or those in the ...
- Rav Sternbuch on Parshas Vaera: Behind the Miracle...
- Rav Sternbuch on Parshas Shemos
- How did I get started
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About Me
- Rabbi Chaim Coffman
- Rabbi Coffman has helped people from all across the spectrum to prepare themselves properly for Orthodox Conversion to Judaism. His students admire his vast knowledge and appreciate his warm, personal attention and endearing sense of humor.
Followers
Welcome to Rabbi Chaim Coffman's Blog!
I would like to thank you for visiting my blog, Beyond Orthodox Conversion to Judaism.
The conversion process can be a lengthy and daunting one to say the least and I want you to know that I am here to help you through it.
I have been teaching newcomers to Judaism for over a decade and over the last few years I have seen that conversion candidates really lack the support and knowledge they need to navigate the conversion process and successfully integrate into the Orthodox Jewish community.
I created my mentorship program in order to help make this whole experience as smooth and as painless as possible! (Can't do much about the growing pains, though ;)
Feel free to get to know me a little through the posts on my blog and visit the mentorship and syllabus page if you are interested in possible joining us.
I sincerely wish you all the best in your search for truth and spiritual growth.
Looking forward to meeting you,
Chaim Coffman
The conversion process can be a lengthy and daunting one to say the least and I want you to know that I am here to help you through it.
I have been teaching newcomers to Judaism for over a decade and over the last few years I have seen that conversion candidates really lack the support and knowledge they need to navigate the conversion process and successfully integrate into the Orthodox Jewish community.
I created my mentorship program in order to help make this whole experience as smooth and as painless as possible! (Can't do much about the growing pains, though ;)
Feel free to get to know me a little through the posts on my blog and visit the mentorship and syllabus page if you are interested in possible joining us.
I sincerely wish you all the best in your search for truth and spiritual growth.
Looking forward to meeting you,
Chaim Coffman
My Rebbe, Rav Moshe Sternbuch
In case you were wondering why I have all of these articles written by Rav Moshe Sternbuch, he is my Rebbe, and one of the gedolei hador (greatest Rabbis of our generation).
Rav Sternbuch fully endorses me and supports my mentorship program.
He is the address for all of my halachic or hashkafic (practical and philosophical) questions that I or my students may have.
The articles are based on his weekly talks on the Torah portion that the Rav gives in Jerusalem in his kollel. As a member of the kollel I get first dibbs on the photocopies and I type them up for my blog so you can all benefit from the Rav's erudition and insight.
Rav Sternbuch fully endorses me and supports my mentorship program.
He is the address for all of my halachic or hashkafic (practical and philosophical) questions that I or my students may have.
The articles are based on his weekly talks on the Torah portion that the Rav gives in Jerusalem in his kollel. As a member of the kollel I get first dibbs on the photocopies and I type them up for my blog so you can all benefit from the Rav's erudition and insight.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Community Issues and Fitting In
10:10 AM | 
Posted by
Rabbi Chaim Coffman |
One of the most difficult things that converts go through is finding a community that is user-friendly. Although communities are leery about converts, once someone shows seriousness and commitment, one should do whatever possible to help these people.
It does not mean that this always happens and just because some people are rude and constantly want to hear "the converts" story, doesn't mean that all communities are bad.
People have to learn when to say things, how to be tactful. They also need to give the prospective convert their own space.
The convert also has to understand the mechanics of how the community works, ie what type of community is it. Is it more modern, Yeshivish...and whatever type of community it is, they have to do their best to uphold the standard that the community sets up.
If it is a very mixed community, then they have to figure out where they fit in within that context.
If they are not sure, they should ask people in the community.
One thing to always keep in mind is not to mix-up Jews and Judaism. Just because some may things that are not appropriate, does not give us the right to label them as convert haters....
We forget that people are human and make mistakes even rabbis
It does not mean that this always happens and just because some people are rude and constantly want to hear "the converts" story, doesn't mean that all communities are bad.
People have to learn when to say things, how to be tactful. They also need to give the prospective convert their own space.
The convert also has to understand the mechanics of how the community works, ie what type of community is it. Is it more modern, Yeshivish...and whatever type of community it is, they have to do their best to uphold the standard that the community sets up.
If it is a very mixed community, then they have to figure out where they fit in within that context.
If they are not sure, they should ask people in the community.
One thing to always keep in mind is not to mix-up Jews and Judaism. Just because some may things that are not appropriate, does not give us the right to label them as convert haters....
We forget that people are human and make mistakes even rabbis
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4 comments:
It was difficult to find a community, it took a while to talk to the Rabbis around here. I understand what you are saying, however there are those that go beyond "leery about converts" Some are down right mean and can make it extrememly difficult. I said once to a Rabbi without being direspectful, "If Hashem has led me to want to convert, why are you trying to interfere with His will".
Fitting in is hard, especially when one Rabbi is supportive and the another is not.
We are human too.
Converts have to understand that they will always be looked at with suspicion until they convert, wanting to see if they are genuine are not.
After the conversion is over converts should be treated like anyone else. Converts have to know that they have to be made aware of how hard the process is.
After all is said and done, once the rabbi knows that the convert is serious, they will go out of their way to help.
It doesn't mean everyone will but they should. A convert must be determined no matter what the obstacles are.
Sometimes it is a test to see the resolve of the convert and how "much they can handle".
Hashem is a partner in the process but the c0nvert has to have the perseverance to continue.
Not many finish the process for those that start but regardless of what obstacles are thrown at a person, they have to have the courage to continue and have a good mentor that can help them through the process
What about people who give advice, for instance someone wants to learn and they are in their 40's or 50's maybe 60's, the advice is "someone who is up in age must continue to provide financially and let your children marry someone who wants to learn, or the son go learn" Basically it is his place to just go work and provide for the family and go learn in a Yeshiva setting.
Anonymous said...
What about people who give advice, for instance someone wants to learn and they are in their 40's or 50's maybe 60's, the advice is "someone who is up in age must continue to provide financially and let your children marry someone who wants to learn, or the son go learn" Basically it is his place to just go work and provide for the family and go learn in a Yeshiva setting.
Rabbi Coffman responds: First of all, we have to be careful who makes the comment and what they mean.
This is an interesting topic and a great question. Who is obligated to learn Torah? Men have an obligation to learn Torah and women are exempt from any time-bound commandment. If she does any mitzvah that is dependent on time, she definitely gets merit for it.
This does not mean a woman should not learn Torah. There are plenty of things that she herself has to know. A woman has an obligation to learn those halachos well that pertain to her. She has to know about the laws of kashrus, shabbos, family purity laws...brochos, Yom Tov...but she doesn't have the same obligation to learn when she is not busy with her family as a man does.
She has different commitments and therefore has different obligations.
A man has an obligation to learn and study all day long. The problem is, how will he provide for his family if he does that?
It is permissible for a man to work to provide for his family. When he is done with work, his obligation to learn starts unless he has other things to do that will exempt him.
With that said, let's understand how the Orthodox system within Judaism works. Boys learn for longer hours and prepare themselves for their bar mitzvah when they are 13.
After 13, they go to Yeshiva Ketana until about 15 and then on to Yeshivah Gedolah until marriage.
After marriage, usually, the man learns full time for a number of years and then eventually goes out to work.
As previously mentioned, once work is over, then there is the obligation to learn and it is the wife's job, no matter how hard her day was, to send her husband out to go learn.
There is no age bracket here ie until what age you have to learn...The first Mishna in Peah starts out by saying: "These are the things for which no limit is proscribed...but the study of the Torah excels them all".
If Torah excels them all, how can someone make the statement that Torah learning is only for younger people and not for all ages.
We are not talking about someone learning all day and not providing for his family. If his wife is willing and one can work half a day and learn half a day, shouldn't that be what we want for our husbands if possible?
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