"You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you should rebuke your neighbor and not suffer the sin on his account" (Leviticus 19:17).
If someone wronged us in any way, doesn't it give us the right to hate them and want to stay away from them? How can the Torah command us to do something which essentially goes against our very nature? After all, doesn't king Solomon in Ecclesiastes tell us that there is a time to love and a time to hate? What exactly was he speaking about?
The commentaries tell us that we don't have to take unnecessary punishment from someone. If we are mistreated then we don't we have the right to be angry and be upset with this person and hate them? This is what G-d wants to uproot from us, this hatred in our heart while at the same time guarding ourselves from this person.
In essence we can hate the act, just not the person! This is easier said than done!! We have every right to be upset, appalled at what this person has done. G-d wants us, though to differentiate between the person and the act itself!
We all mistakes and certainly have to take responsibility for our actions. We would like others to have compassion for us so we certainly should have compassion for them. Even if someone has done something to hurt us, we are not condoning it but rather have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
We have to try and put ourselves in their shoes, thereby creating more compassion for them which will in turn alleviate some of the pain that was caused. Theory definitely works more than reality but this is what we are supposed to do to the best of our ability.
The end of the verse speaks about the importance of rebuke. We have an obligation to rebuke someone if we see them doing something wrong. What if they won't listen? At the very least maybe something should be said to show that you disagree with their behavior?
Many rabbinic authorities hold that although that may be true we don't know how to give rebuke today and will often make the situation worse. At the same time for ourselves we have to make some sort of rebuke to show that we are not held accountable for what someone else has done.
This means if I don't make some sort of protest even for myself it may be that we are showing we agree with this behavior and therefore will be held accountable for what they have done! We often here the expression live and let live, I'm ok, your ok... Basically this means that we shouldn't interfere with what others do and leave well enough alone.
This has no place in Torah because after all we believe there is right and wrong; standing idly by is not an option! We see from this verse the importance of self-esteem while at the same time showing emotional self-control. We also see the scope of how another person's actions even if we are not doing it but standing idly by is as if we consent!
May we have the power to control our emotions be spiritually aware of things around us!
Shabbat Shalom
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