Friday, December 14, 2012
Kibud Av
12:50 AM | 
Posted by
Rabbi Chaim Coffman |
By Rav Moshe Sternbuch
challenges
“And Yaakov
dwelt” (37:1); Rashi: When Yaakov sought to dwell in tranquility, the
troubles of Yoseph sprang upon him. The righteous seek to dwell in tranquility.
Hashem said, “What is prepared for the righteous in the world to come is not
sufficient for them, but they seek also to dwell in tranquility in this world!”
Yaakov had
already endured much suffering by this stage: he had, among other things, spent
twenty years with the fraudster Lovon, met Eisov accompanied by 400 men, and struggled
with the angel. His desire for tranquility in his old age would seem to be
understandable and justified. Why, then, was it held out against him?
Each of the ovos
(patriarchs) transmitted their specific qualities for all future generations.
Avrohom transmitted the quality of chesed, Yitzchok that of gevuro
(mastery of emotions) and Yaakov excelled in emes. Part of Yaakov’s task
was to sow the seeds of fortitude for his descendants, who were destined to be
faced with trying circumstances during prolonged periods of golus. Trials
are the main source and catalyst of a person’s spiritual elevation and Hashem
was telling Yaakov that his task was to continue to serve Him by overcoming tribulations
thus setting a precedent for his descendants and giving them the strength to
follow his example.
A bochur
once came to Rav Moshe Schneider zt”l
to ask for a brocho before his wedding. Rav Schneider asked him what brocho he wanted. The boy responded that he
would like a blessing that everything should go smoothly in his life, and that he
should have no difficulties. Rav Schneider said that that was no brocho,
and blessed him instead that when he would be faced with challenging
situations, he should overcome them successfully, adding that living a tranquil
existence is not an ideal. Something attained effortlessly has little value,
and it is by surmounting difficulties that we achieve success.
ACTIVE OUTREACH
“…in the
land of his father's sojournings” (ibid)
Chazal derive
from this phrase that Yitzchok had been responsible for producing converts. We
know that Avrohom, who epitomized the trait of chesed, brought many
people closer to Hashem, but our image of Yitzchok is that of a holy
self-contained individual, so how are we to understand this statement of Chazal?
Rav Schneider noted
that there are two types of righteous individuals. Some, like Avrohom, actively
engage in various public activities to disseminate yiddishkeit, whereas
others, like Yitzchok, have an influence by virtue of their avodoh performed
with dedication and self-sacrifice. Yitzchok, unlike his father, did not travel
from place to place and actively spread the Word of Hashem, but he still
managed to create converts, because his very avodoh exuded holiness and
truth and had an immense influence on those who witnessed it.
Some situations call for tzaddikim who actively seek to influence
their fellow Jews. Rav Moshe Schneider would recall the time when he was living
in Memel, a town on the border between Germany and Lithuania, in which the haskolo
had created an almost complete spiritual wilderness. There was, however, one
exceptional individual who was a true tzaddik nistar (concealed
righteous individual). On one occasion, Rav Schneider told the
son-in-law of the Chofetz Chaim, Rav Hirsch Levinson, who was visiting Memel,
about this tzaddik. After he met him, Rav Levinson commented to Rav
Schneider that this man was certainly a great tzaddik, but Memel needed tzaddikim
geluyim (revealed righteous individuals) to stem the anti-religious tide
and not tzaddikim of this kind who had no influence on the population,
and you must be that tzaddik, Rav Hirsch Levinson told Rav Schneider in
conclusion! Rav Schneider in fact went on to found a yeshiva there, and was very
successful in spreading yiddishkeit.
A time to conceal, and a time to
publiciZe
“And Reuven
heard, and he saved him from their hand” (37:21)
The medrash
says that if Reuven would have known that the Torah would write this about him
he would have brought Yosef to his father on his shoulders.
It is obvious
that Reuven was not interested in having his actions publicized. Not only is
the desire for honor improper, but – as noted by Rav Chaim Volozhiner zt”l – since honor is a spiritual
pleasure it comes at the expense of reward in the afterlife. It is therefore in
the interest of anybody who performs a good deed to make sure that as few
people as possible know about it.
Here Reuven, for
his part, would surely have wanted to conceal his actions, which in any case he
considered to be of no great significance but merely the performance of an
elementary obligation incumbent on him, but it was Hashem who wanted to publicize
the fact that Reuven instead of keeping quiet begged his brothers not to leave
Yosef in the pit so that he should remain alive and be returned to his father.
The medrash
is telling us that had Reuven known that his action was so important that even
his act of speech was considered tantamount to actually saving Yosef from his
brothers, he would have taken more active steps in public to save Yosef so that
his actions would be publicized and create an even greater kiddush Hashem.
Rav Schneider
added in the name of the Chofetz Chaim that although we are warned against seeking
honor, sometimes we should make a point of publicizing our actions and acting
with alacrity if others will learn from us. If our intentions are for the sake
of heaven, then acting this way is a great mitzvah.
The Draft
“And Yehudo
said to his brothers, "What is the gain [beza] if we slay our brother and
cover up his blood?” (37:26)
Yehuda made a
compromise (beza has the same root as bizua - a compromise).
Instead of saving Yosef altogether by taking him back to his father, he
compromised by convincing his brothers not to kill him, but rather sell him to
the Yishme’elim (see Masseches Sanhedrin 6b and Rashi there). By doing
so the gemara states (ibid) that Yehuda is considered to have
despised Hashem.
Compromises
are forbidden. For example, some people are currently looking for compromises
to resolve the issue of drafting yeshiva bochurim. We believe with complete faith that we can
stand up to the nations of the world only with the help of Hashem and in the
merit of the Torah. If we abandon the Torah, or if there is any interruption or
attenuation in our learning, this exposes us to great danger. If we remain strong
instead of looking for compromises, Hashem will surely find a solution to this
issue.
ATONING For CHIlUL HASHEM
“And he
returned to his brothers and said, "The boy is gone and I where will I go?”
(37:30)
The medrash
says that Reuven was concerned about the incident with Bilhah. Why does the medrash
make this connection?
Although the gemara
says that the sin of chilul Hashem cannot be atoned for even through
suffering, but only through death, Rabbeinu Yonah writes that there is a way to
make amends for this sin, namely by creating a kiddush Hashem by drawing people closer to avodas Hashem.
In the incident with Bilhah Reuven
had reasoned that even if Rochel was to have precedence over his mother Leah,
this should not apply to Rochel's maidservant. Reuven’s mistake lay in failing
to treat his father like a king, whose every word is accepted as being correct,
even if he did not understand the reason for it. He had not honored his father
sufficiently, and now wanted to return Yoseph to his father, thereby making
amends for the previous transgression of kibud av. Therefore, when he
came back and saw that the boy was no longer there, he was distraught,
wondering how he could now atone for his previous sin.
Kibud av
“A wild
beast has devoured him” (37:33)
Rashi cites
the medrash that Hashem did not want to reveal the truth
to Yaakov because the brothers had excommunicated and cursed anyone who would
reveal the truth, and Yitzchok knew that he was alive but said, “How can I
reveal it if Hashem does not wish to reveal it to him?” Why did the brothers
cause their father so much distress by not revealing the truth when they could
have informed their father that Yosef was still alive?
It is a
general principle that Hashem does not punish a person if this causes suffering
to others such as his family members, unless they also deserve to be punished.
Therefore, the tribes assumed that Yaakov, who like Rabi Akiva, had asked to be
judged in accordance with the strict attribute of justice, needed to atone for
something, and they decided that the years of suffering which their father
would have to endure would serve as an atonement for the years in which he had not
sufficiently observed kibud av when he was far away from his father. Twenty
years of severe emotional suffering were needed to atone for a slight defect in
kibud av! This demonstrates how careful we have to be in our observance
of this mitzvah.
Kedusho
“He refused
to be consoled” (37:35)
It seems
surprising that Yaakov who had already suffered so much in his private life
refused to be consoled for this particular misfortune. Chazal’s statement cited
by Rashi that “no one accepts consolation for a person who is really alive but
believed to be dead” explains why those who tried to console them were not successful,
but it is does explain why he refused to be consoled, which
implies that he was not even interested in hearing words of consolation. This
seems to run counter to the prohibition against mourning a dead person too
much.
Yaakov ovinu
was not only mourning the fact that his son was no longer with him, but he felt
that it was also an irreplaceable loss for the entire nation, because he had
educated Yosef to serve as an example for his descendants how to lead a life of
holiness even in the most immoral surroundings. In addition to the decline in
the spiritual level of the nation that would now ensue, Yaakov also bewailed
the chilul Hashem resulting
from the fact that a righteous person of the stature of Yosef had met a cruel
death in the process of observing the mitzvah of kibud av. Such a
terrible event would be likely to shake people's faith.
Just like we are forbidden to divert our
attention completely from the mourning for the destruction of the Beis
Hamikdosh, so too Yaakov felt that
he could not divert his attention from this mourning for spiritual destruction
and the chilul Hashem that resulted from his personal tragedy. If we
make a point of remembering and mourning the absence of kedusho in today's world, this will serve as an impetus for us to attempt to
increase kedusho.
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