Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Live like a zaddik, don’t wait to be buried next to one
11:47 AM | 
Posted by
Rabbi Chaim Coffman |
By Rav Moshe Sternbuch
Living martyrdom
“And Soroh died
in Kiryas Arba” (23:2)
Rashi
quotes the Medrash that Soroh’s soul departed after hearing that Yitzchok
had been prepared for slaughter and had almost been slaughtered. Why was Soroh not
relieved that in the end he did not die? Furthermore, since Chazal tell us that
Soroh was even more righteous than Avrohom, why would she not have been willing
to give up her son at Hashem’s request?
Our
forefathers and foremothers knew that they were the pillars and prototypes for
all future generations of the Jewish nation, and that their own experiences
would be replicated again and again in the lives of their descendants. When Sarah
heard about the Akeidah, in which two righteous and holy individuals had
to endure a terribly difficult trial, she realized that, in the future, even her
most righteous descendants would also have to endure extremely challenging
experiences, such as the many persecutions in fact suffered by the nation over
the succeeding millennia, and that not even the tears and supplications of the
angels could avert these events (see Rashi on 27:1). She thus began to
cry ceaselessly, wondering whether her descendants would be able to withstand
such enormous tests, until her soul departed due to her great distress.
Alternatively,
in the Maggid Meishorim it is recorded that the Beis Yosef, Rav Yosef Karo, was
promised by the maggid (angelic teacher) that he would merit dying a
martyr’s death al kiddush Hashem. Towards the end of his life, when he
was already well into his 80s, the Beis Yosef expressed his surprise to the maggid
that even though he had put into practice all the preparations taught by him
for the purpose of meriting this form of death it had not yet happened. The maggid
responded that he should not be upset since he had merited an even greater mitzvah
than a martyr's death: he had dedicated himself completely day in and day out
to fulfilling the Will of the Creator. Dying a martyr's death, as great a mitzvah
as it is, only consists of a one-time act of self-dedication, but you, he told
him, have performed endless acts of self-dedication throughout your life.
Similarly, Soroh
was distressed that her son had almost been put in a situation where he would
no longer be able to sanctify Hashem's name here on earth, and would
consequently no longer be able to achieve a higher level than he could by being
offered up on the altar.
JOY after performing mitzvos
“And Avrohom
came to eulogize Sarah and to bewail her (livkoso)” (ibid)
The kof in
livkoso is truncated to indicate that Avrohom’s
hesped was relatively subdued.
Few couples in history have been as close as Avrohom and Soroh and
anyway Chazal tell us that a wife dies "only for her husband”, i.e. he is
the most affected by her death, so how can we understand this restraint on the
part of Avrohom?
We say in birkas
hashkivenu in ma’ariv: "Remove the soton from before us
and from behind us." Before we do a mitzvah the yetzer horo attempts to convince us not to do it, and
once we have done it, he attempts to dampen the joy and enthusiasm we are
supposed to feel after performing Hashem’s Will.
Avrohom’s paramount concern in all his
endeavors was to increase kvod
shomayim and any personal emotions
were subjected to this goal. After Soroh’s death Avrohom was worried
that people would think to themselves that after displaying such unbelievable
self-sacrifice during the akeido Avrohom was "rewarded" by his
wife's death. If Avrohom would have given vent publicly to the real extent of
his emotions after Soroh’s death during his eulogy, this might have increased
the confusion people were feeling about this sad event. On the other hand, if
they would witness his self-composure that would cause a great kiddush
Hashem, because the listeners would realize that Avrohom’s intense joy and sense of
satisfaction at having withstood the greatest of the trials had not been
diminished even by Soroh’s death.
Choosing Burial plots
“Give me
burial property with you” (23:4)
The Torah expounds at some length how
Avrohom dedicated himself to finding an appropriate place to bury Soroh and to
eulogize her in order to teach us the basic article of faith that some nitzoz ("spark") of a person’s
neshomo remains with his body and his place of burial. This is the basis
for the custom to pray in the vicinity of the grave of a righteous person, and
beseech Hashem to answer our prayers in his merit.
For this reason too it is forbidden to bury a
righteous person next to a wicked one, and even people who were subject to
different types of death penalties should not be buried next to each other, but
only next to those subjected to the same type, because a person’s degree of iniquity
differs as between the different types of death penalties.
Only some two
weeks after Rav Sternbuch first arrived in Johannesburg, South Africa with a
mission to spread Torah to a largely non-observant community back in the 1980s,
he was already involved in a "scandal" that made the newspapers. Upon
visiting the local cemetery he noticed to his dismay that mechalelei Shabbos
(people who don't keep Shabbos) were being buried next to Shabbos observers.
Rav Sternbuch naturally insisted straightaway that this blatant breach of halocho
be remedied. The secular press was outraged: a new Rabbi had arrived from
Israel, they said, and not only was he persecuting living members of the
community, but he was pursuing them to their very graves! Rav Sternbuch responded
calmly by calling a meeting at his house the following Sunday. The meeting was
packed.
Rav Sternbuch
said that once the members of the community will be called before the heavenly
court and asked why they did not keep Shabbos in South Africa, and they will argue
in their defense that it was just too difficult for them, the prosecuting
counsel will note that their “neighbor” in the adjacent grave who had lived in
the same place and faced the same challenges had nevertheless managed to keep Shabbos.
This counter-argument will surely remain unanswered. I have come here to try to
help you, concluded Rav Sternbuch, and in response you tell me that I'm
persecuting you!
Those
attending this meeting were convinced by the force of this argument, and in
fact the head of the chevra kadisha (himself a mechalel Shabbos
befarhesi’a unfortunately) came up
to Rav Sternbuch straight away and told him that he now understood what this
was all about and insisted that when the time came he should be buried next to
fellow mechalelei Shabbos rather
than the "frummies”, and others joined him in his request.
Nowadays you
come across wealthy people who pay extravagant sums during their lifetime to buy
burial plots in the vicinity of gedolim and zaddikim in the hope
that this will be for the benefit of their souls after they die, but in reality
it is likely to be for their detriment, because they are presumably far removed
from the levels achieved by these people, and it is a halocho leMoshe miSinai
that only people who
we were on similar spiritual levels during their lifetime should be buried next
to each other. Burial societies who observe halocho properly are very
particular about this.
shidduchim
“She ...will
be the one whom you have determined for your servant, Yitzchok” (24:14)
The Torah expounds at
great length how Eliezer searched for and found a wife for Yitzchok in order to
emphasize the Divine Providence which is prevalent in all aspects of our daily
lives, but most obviously evident in the sphere of shidduchim. In fact the
Chazon Ish said this was one of the last remaining areas in which ordinary
people experience revealed Divine Providence.
For example, a shidduch that seems perfect does not materialize, or someone with all the right
qualities for marriage finds it difficult to find his or her partner, in
contrast to others lacking such qualities who have a much easier time. The
Brisker Rov once noted that our human efforts put into finding a partner do not
always seem to bear fruit, and are only designed to reassure ourselves that we
are doing something, whereas the real zivug (divinely ordained marriage partner) appears like a lost
object at the appropriate time.
On
the other hand, the Brisker Rov also noted
that Eliezer did not rely on the miracles he experienced on the way, such as a kefitzas haderech, in order to
determine whether this was indeed Yitzhok’s zivug. Instead, he made a point of examining thoroughly whether Rivka’s
acts of chesed and her character traits and yirash shomayim were
on a sufficiently high level for his master’s son. We too must surely examine the midos of any potential
girl as much as possible. The Chazon Ish told Rav Sternbuch that the main
quality to look for in a girl is that she should be easy going and not stubborn,
since such a character trait can cause a marriage to fail. This may be due to
the fact that stubbornness stems from pride, and a proud girl may wish to stand
out and prove herself, and such characteristics obviously do not make for a
good wife.
Satisfied with our lot
“And Hashem
blessed Avrohom with everything” (24:1)
Being in possession of many assets is not
usually the source of blessing for a person, since he is so busy looking after
his property and businesses that he has no peace of mind and is also constantly
striving to become even wealthier. Avrohom, on the other hand, was blessed with
everything that he had, because he felt Hashem's blessing in his property and
that he lacked nothing.
In a similar vein, the Shlo Hakodosh explains that it says "and they who seek Hashem shall not want
any good” as opposed to "they shall have all the good", because the
promise for the righteous is not that they shall not lack any material
possessions, but only that they will be blessed by Hashem and not feel that
they lack anything, irrespective of their actual material situation.
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