Thursday, January 12, 2012
Torah the Ultimate Happiness
9:39 PM | 
Posted by
Rabbi Chaim Coffman |
By Rav Moshe Sternbuch
COUNTING OUR DAYS
“Yaakov lived in the land of Egypt seventeen years” (47:28)
Instead of vayechi we would have expected the possuk to say vayogor, that Yaakov dwelt in Egypt. Until he moved to Egypt Yaakov suffered from Eisov, Lovon, Elifas, Dinah and Yosef. It was only during his last 17 years in Egypt that he enjoyed an undisturbed existence. Although Yaakov accepted his misfortunes with love and they forged his character to ever greater heights, the Torah employs the word vayechi to make the point that only in those last 17 years was he truly "alive" and able to lead a peaceful existence.
“The days of Yaakov, the years of his life were 147 years…“the days of Yisroel's death drew near” (47:28-29)
The life of a tzaddik consists of the sum total of all his days, since he utilizes them to the fullest extent by engaging in Torah and avodas Hashem and conducting an account of his actions at the end of each day. Such days are complete and add up to complete years. This is what the possuk is emphasizing by mentioning both Yaakov’s days and his years.
In a similar vein, the Zohar hakodosh says here that a day filled with Torah and mitzvos is a complete day whereas a day tainted by sin is a defective one. When a person has to account for his actions before the heavenly tribunal he or she will be shown what they have accomplished, and whether any days have been lost by being spent on sinful or unnecessary activity. However, in Shulchan Hatohor Rav Aharon Roth zt”l notes that as part of the process of teshuva days which have been taken from us are returned to our credit.
Yaakov utilized the potential inherent in each day of his life to the utmost, both during the periods when he suffered from hardship, and in the last stage of his life, when he was finally able to live a secluded undisturbed existence in Goshen.
KIBUD AV VOEM DURING A PARENT’S LIFETIME AND BEYOND
“He [Yaakov] said, "Swear to me," and he swore to him. Yisroel prostrated himself at the head of the bed” (47:31) Rashi: for his bed was perfect and none of his offspring was wicked. Witness the fact that Yosef was a king who was also a captive among the non-Jews, yet, he was steadfast in his righteousness
Yosef, the second most powerful man in Egypt, was asked by his father to take an oath. Someone else in Yosef’s position would have been likely to get angry that his father did not trust him to fulfill his request after having told him “I will do as you say”, but Yosef subjugated himself completely to his father and without saying anything unhesitatingly and immediately took an oath. When Yaakov Ovinu saw this response and realized the extent of the kibbud av voem exhibited even by Yosef, who had spent so much time in the Egyptian environment and had become a powerful figure there, he was satisfied that his bed was indeed perfect.
Under the laws prevailing in Egypt, Yosef, as a royal figure, was forbidden to visit a commoner, such as his father, and so the medrash says that for 17 years Yosef did not visit his father in Goshen. Instead, he sent his son Efraim to learn Torah with him. Perhaps Yosef comforted himself with the maxim of Rabi Yochonon: "Happy is the person who has not seen them [his parents]” (Kiddushin 31b), Rashi: “because it is not possible to honor them as much as necessary, and he is punished on their account”. Rabi Yochonon’s own father passed away before he was born, and his mother passed away in childbirth.
Kibbud av voem is a critical component in the education of our children. With us it is a given that the closer a person is to maamad har Sinai the more do we look up to him. By contrast, according to the non-Jewish or secular attitude as technology, science, and medicine progress so do we, and the further a person is removed from these advances the more are they looked down upon. As a corollary to this approach, the relationship between parents and children has become almost egalitarian. Unfortunately, elements of this attitude have seeped through to us so that some parents have become more lax in insisting that their children observe all the details of kibbud av voem. This can sometimes have catastrophic results.
“And I will lie with my fathers” (47:30)
Yaakov was privileged to have children following his path, and someone who passes away leaving behind children following the path of the Torah has not died, but is merely "lying”. The Zohar in bechukosai states that it is a great merit for a father in gan eden if his son follows in the path of the Torah. In fact, the mitzvah of kibbud av voem after a parent has passed away is even stricter then when he was alive, and when a son or daughter lead a Torah lifestyle Hashem has pity on the parents in gan eden and they go mechayil el chayail in the heavenly echelons.
Whenever the Baal Hapardes performed a mitzvah he would say that he was performing it in order to fulfill the will of Hashem and also for the mitzvah to be a merit for his father and mother in gan eden. Some people think that the main tikun ("rectification" of the soul) they can do for a deceased parent is to say kaddish and be a chazan, but they are making a mistake. The medrash does indeed emphasize the importance of these actions, but it is more important - especially during the first year when the judgment of the neshomo is still strong - to endeavor to add additional hours of learning, to pray with greater devotion, and give more charity, and whenever doing so, to say expressly "I am giving this leiluy nishmas (to elevate the soul) of father/mother followed by their name and their mother's name”.
A PARENT’S KAVONOS AT A BRIS
“And he blessed them on that day saying: "Through you shall [the People of] Yisroel bless saying; 'May Hashem make you as Ephraim and Menasheh and he placed Ephraim ahead of Menasheh” (48:20)
The greatest blessing a person could hope for is to be blessed with sons who are talmidei chachomim. As we just saw, such a person will live forever. Efraim was placed ahead of his older brother, as he was the one who learnt Torah from Yaakov, in order to teach us that the foremost priority of any father must be to educate his son to become a godol beyisroel and dedicate his life to Torah. The alternative is to educate our sons to be like Menashe, who learnt from Yosef how to behave like a ben Torah in every situation in life, but this must always remain only the second-best option.
Targum Yonoson on this possuk comments that "that day" refers to the day of a child’s bris milo. Already on that day the parents must resolve to do everything in their power that their son should grow up to become a godol batorah and not merely a simple baal habos, since ultimate happiness in this world and the next for both parent and child is to be found only in the Torah. Although we do not have a custom to verbalize the blessing contained in this possuk at a bris parents should certainly have the message in mind and act accordingly in the years to come.
By referring to Ephraim and Menasheh when blessing our children we also pray that there will be harmony between our children, just like there was between Ephraim and Menasheh when Menasheh was not upset and did not envy his younger brother for being mentioned first by Yaakov.
PARNOSO MIN HASHOMAYIM
“Hashem who was my shepherd from my inception until this day, the angel who redeemed me from all evil” (48:15-16)
Only Hashem Himself takes care of our livelihood, because angels cannot comprehend why a person would be so preoccupied with his worldly needs in this temporal existence. Similarly, in the parasha of bikurim it says, “View, from Your sacred residence, from the heavens, and bless Your people”: we ask Hashem directly to bless us with His material abundance. However, when we are in trouble and in need of redemption, we can appeal to the Angels to redeem us, because that is something they can understand.
To a superficial observer the geulo is a greater miracle than parnoso, but in reality the reverse is the case: unlike geulo, parnoso comes straight from Hashem. The efforts we expend in making a living are not the cause of our income, but merely mandatory hishtadlus (human effort). As we have emphasized in previous articles, putting in too much hishtadlus can only be counter-productive, if not in the short-term then in the long-term.
GENUINE ACHDUS
“Gather around and I will tell you” (49:1)
The Medrash says that Yaakov warned his sons against disputes and told them to maintain unity, that they should all be like one joint gathering. In our times there are different communities, Ashkenazi and Sephardi, litvish and chassidish, but we are all united by the Torah and each community conducts itself in the way it thinks is most conducive to increasing kvod shomayim. When there is unity amongst us, we have the power to overcome our enemies who wish to destroy us.
However, there can be no unity with those who rebel against the Torah. In fact, we have to make sure to keep our distance from them and not let their outlook, or way of life, have any effect whatsoever on us. Even if they want "unity" with us, that is merely a call for us to assimilate into their way of life, and all the more reason for us to keep our distance.
COUNTING OUR DAYS
“Yaakov lived in the land of Egypt seventeen years” (47:28)
Instead of vayechi we would have expected the possuk to say vayogor, that Yaakov dwelt in Egypt. Until he moved to Egypt Yaakov suffered from Eisov, Lovon, Elifas, Dinah and Yosef. It was only during his last 17 years in Egypt that he enjoyed an undisturbed existence. Although Yaakov accepted his misfortunes with love and they forged his character to ever greater heights, the Torah employs the word vayechi to make the point that only in those last 17 years was he truly "alive" and able to lead a peaceful existence.
“The days of Yaakov, the years of his life were 147 years…“the days of Yisroel's death drew near” (47:28-29)
The life of a tzaddik consists of the sum total of all his days, since he utilizes them to the fullest extent by engaging in Torah and avodas Hashem and conducting an account of his actions at the end of each day. Such days are complete and add up to complete years. This is what the possuk is emphasizing by mentioning both Yaakov’s days and his years.
In a similar vein, the Zohar hakodosh says here that a day filled with Torah and mitzvos is a complete day whereas a day tainted by sin is a defective one. When a person has to account for his actions before the heavenly tribunal he or she will be shown what they have accomplished, and whether any days have been lost by being spent on sinful or unnecessary activity. However, in Shulchan Hatohor Rav Aharon Roth zt”l notes that as part of the process of teshuva days which have been taken from us are returned to our credit.
Yaakov utilized the potential inherent in each day of his life to the utmost, both during the periods when he suffered from hardship, and in the last stage of his life, when he was finally able to live a secluded undisturbed existence in Goshen.
KIBUD AV VOEM DURING A PARENT’S LIFETIME AND BEYOND
“He [Yaakov] said, "Swear to me," and he swore to him. Yisroel prostrated himself at the head of the bed” (47:31) Rashi: for his bed was perfect and none of his offspring was wicked. Witness the fact that Yosef was a king who was also a captive among the non-Jews, yet, he was steadfast in his righteousness
Yosef, the second most powerful man in Egypt, was asked by his father to take an oath. Someone else in Yosef’s position would have been likely to get angry that his father did not trust him to fulfill his request after having told him “I will do as you say”, but Yosef subjugated himself completely to his father and without saying anything unhesitatingly and immediately took an oath. When Yaakov Ovinu saw this response and realized the extent of the kibbud av voem exhibited even by Yosef, who had spent so much time in the Egyptian environment and had become a powerful figure there, he was satisfied that his bed was indeed perfect.
Under the laws prevailing in Egypt, Yosef, as a royal figure, was forbidden to visit a commoner, such as his father, and so the medrash says that for 17 years Yosef did not visit his father in Goshen. Instead, he sent his son Efraim to learn Torah with him. Perhaps Yosef comforted himself with the maxim of Rabi Yochonon: "Happy is the person who has not seen them [his parents]” (Kiddushin 31b), Rashi: “because it is not possible to honor them as much as necessary, and he is punished on their account”. Rabi Yochonon’s own father passed away before he was born, and his mother passed away in childbirth.
Kibbud av voem is a critical component in the education of our children. With us it is a given that the closer a person is to maamad har Sinai the more do we look up to him. By contrast, according to the non-Jewish or secular attitude as technology, science, and medicine progress so do we, and the further a person is removed from these advances the more are they looked down upon. As a corollary to this approach, the relationship between parents and children has become almost egalitarian. Unfortunately, elements of this attitude have seeped through to us so that some parents have become more lax in insisting that their children observe all the details of kibbud av voem. This can sometimes have catastrophic results.
“And I will lie with my fathers” (47:30)
Yaakov was privileged to have children following his path, and someone who passes away leaving behind children following the path of the Torah has not died, but is merely "lying”. The Zohar in bechukosai states that it is a great merit for a father in gan eden if his son follows in the path of the Torah. In fact, the mitzvah of kibbud av voem after a parent has passed away is even stricter then when he was alive, and when a son or daughter lead a Torah lifestyle Hashem has pity on the parents in gan eden and they go mechayil el chayail in the heavenly echelons.
Whenever the Baal Hapardes performed a mitzvah he would say that he was performing it in order to fulfill the will of Hashem and also for the mitzvah to be a merit for his father and mother in gan eden. Some people think that the main tikun ("rectification" of the soul) they can do for a deceased parent is to say kaddish and be a chazan, but they are making a mistake. The medrash does indeed emphasize the importance of these actions, but it is more important - especially during the first year when the judgment of the neshomo is still strong - to endeavor to add additional hours of learning, to pray with greater devotion, and give more charity, and whenever doing so, to say expressly "I am giving this leiluy nishmas (to elevate the soul) of father/mother followed by their name and their mother's name”.
A PARENT’S KAVONOS AT A BRIS
“And he blessed them on that day saying: "Through you shall [the People of] Yisroel bless saying; 'May Hashem make you as Ephraim and Menasheh and he placed Ephraim ahead of Menasheh” (48:20)
The greatest blessing a person could hope for is to be blessed with sons who are talmidei chachomim. As we just saw, such a person will live forever. Efraim was placed ahead of his older brother, as he was the one who learnt Torah from Yaakov, in order to teach us that the foremost priority of any father must be to educate his son to become a godol beyisroel and dedicate his life to Torah. The alternative is to educate our sons to be like Menashe, who learnt from Yosef how to behave like a ben Torah in every situation in life, but this must always remain only the second-best option.
Targum Yonoson on this possuk comments that "that day" refers to the day of a child’s bris milo. Already on that day the parents must resolve to do everything in their power that their son should grow up to become a godol batorah and not merely a simple baal habos, since ultimate happiness in this world and the next for both parent and child is to be found only in the Torah. Although we do not have a custom to verbalize the blessing contained in this possuk at a bris parents should certainly have the message in mind and act accordingly in the years to come.
By referring to Ephraim and Menasheh when blessing our children we also pray that there will be harmony between our children, just like there was between Ephraim and Menasheh when Menasheh was not upset and did not envy his younger brother for being mentioned first by Yaakov.
PARNOSO MIN HASHOMAYIM
“Hashem who was my shepherd from my inception until this day, the angel who redeemed me from all evil” (48:15-16)
Only Hashem Himself takes care of our livelihood, because angels cannot comprehend why a person would be so preoccupied with his worldly needs in this temporal existence. Similarly, in the parasha of bikurim it says, “View, from Your sacred residence, from the heavens, and bless Your people”: we ask Hashem directly to bless us with His material abundance. However, when we are in trouble and in need of redemption, we can appeal to the Angels to redeem us, because that is something they can understand.
To a superficial observer the geulo is a greater miracle than parnoso, but in reality the reverse is the case: unlike geulo, parnoso comes straight from Hashem. The efforts we expend in making a living are not the cause of our income, but merely mandatory hishtadlus (human effort). As we have emphasized in previous articles, putting in too much hishtadlus can only be counter-productive, if not in the short-term then in the long-term.
GENUINE ACHDUS
“Gather around and I will tell you” (49:1)
The Medrash says that Yaakov warned his sons against disputes and told them to maintain unity, that they should all be like one joint gathering. In our times there are different communities, Ashkenazi and Sephardi, litvish and chassidish, but we are all united by the Torah and each community conducts itself in the way it thinks is most conducive to increasing kvod shomayim. When there is unity amongst us, we have the power to overcome our enemies who wish to destroy us.
However, there can be no unity with those who rebel against the Torah. In fact, we have to make sure to keep our distance from them and not let their outlook, or way of life, have any effect whatsoever on us. Even if they want "unity" with us, that is merely a call for us to assimilate into their way of life, and all the more reason for us to keep our distance.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Gevuro is the answer to anti-religious incitement
By Rav Moshe Sternbuch
THE LANGUAGE OF EMOTION
“Let your servant speak a word in my master’s ears” (44:18) Rashi: "may my words penetrate your ears”.
The Brisker Rov zt”l related that before the war the Polish government enacted a decree requiring everybody to learn Polish and mathematics. The rabbonim considers this to be a grave interference by the government with their internal affairs, and convened a meeting which was attended by all the rabbonim and admorim in order to discuss ways to abolish this decree. The rabbonim decided that the best way to proceed would be to send a delegation of gedolei yisroel to the Minister of Education and explain to him why this matter was of such deep concern to them. None of the rabbonim spoke Polish except for one rov, and it was proposed to send him as a spokesman. However, the Chofetz Chaim zt”l opposed this, arguing that the authorities would be likely to respond: "you see, you can produce enlightened Polish-speaking rabbis, so why are you opposed to our new law?”
Instead, the Chofetz Chaim, who like all the others only spoke Yiddish, offered to be the spokesman himself. When he appeared for the interview with the Minister, he started to speak in Yiddish but quickly burst into uncontrollable tears. Although he did not understand a word of what the Chofetz Chaim was saying, the Minister was much moved. He said that he had not realized that this issue was so important for the rabbis, and assured them that he would issue instructions for the decree to be abolished.
Similarly, Yehuda thought that Yosef did not speak Hebrew, but he decided to speak it nevertheless in the hope that his words would penetrate Yosef’s ears and heart.
EATING OUR OWN WORDS
“"I am Yosef, is my father still alive?" His brothers could not answer him for they were shocked at his presence” (45:3) Medrash:”Woe onto us from the Day of Judgment, woe unto us from the Day of Rebuke! Yosef, the youngest of the tribes [rebuked his brothers and] they were unable to answer him, when Hashem will come and rebuke each individual according to who he is...how much more so [will we not be able to answer].
The Bais Halevi explains that Yosef's statement "is my father still alive?" was made in astonishment and by way of rebuke: "I don't understand how my father can still be alive after all the sorrow he has endured until now because of my absence”. Yehuda had claimed that their father would not be able to live with the anguish of Binyomin’s absence, to which Yosef was now responding: "If that is so, why were you not worried about our father’s sorrow when you sold me?"
The above medrash, adds the Bais Halevi, is to be understood accordingly. In the future the inconsistency of our very own words will also be pointed out to us. For example, if we will be asked why we did not give more charity, and reply that our financial situation did not allow for any greater generosity, the heavenly tribunal will respond by noting how much money we invested forbidden things or even permitted material things - where did we find the money from for those things? Or if we will be asked why we did not spend more time learning, and reply that we were so busy making a living, bringing up a family etc, we will be shown how much time we wasted on stupid or unnecessary things.
THE TEST OF WEALTH
“Tell my father about all my honor in Egypt” (45:13)
Why did Yosef think that Yaakov would be pleased that the Egyptians were honoring him? In truth, Yosef was conveying to his father that even though he enjoyed royal influence he had not abandoned the Torah or the way of life which he had been taught at home, neither during his time as a servant, nor now that he was in a position of power. He wanted to emphasize to Yaakov that he had remained faithful to everything his father stood for and conveyed to him, even in the most trying circumstances.
By contrast, the gemoro in masseches Brochos (32b) brings Moshe Rabbeinu’s argument in defense of the Jewish nation that they had sinned with the Golden Calf due to the abundance of silver and gold which Hashem had showered upon them. In other words, following the test of poverty as slaves in Egypt, which they had withstood admirably, Hashem then tested them with wealth, but this proved too much for them, to such an extent that Hashem wished to destroy the whole nation.
Just two generations ago, just after the end of the Second World War, Rav Mordechai Programanski zt”l told Rav Sternbuch that following the slaughter of millions of Jews, the nation would now be tested with wealth. There was about to be an unprecedented phenomenon: dozens of strictly religious Jewish millionaires, who would be tested to see whether they would use their wealth for the purpose supporting the needy and Torah institutions. If they will pass this test, added Rav Programanski, the redemption will come imminently.
TOPICS OF CONVERSATION
“He said to them, "Do not be troubled along the way” (45:24); Rashi: “Do not become involved in halachic discussion lest the road become a menace to you".
The Brisker Rov zt”l expressed amazement at the righteousness of the tribes. Anyone else in their situation would most likely have discussed the latest astonishing developments of the discovery of Yosef all the way home, but Yosef knew his brothers and their great love of Torah, and that they would not waste their time with stories, but only talk (it says al tisasku - don't delve) in learning. That was why he had to warn them of the perils on the road.
Contemplating how much time valuable time we waste discussing topics that should not concern us, such as politics and current affairs, must make us shudder. It says that we are obliged to say, "When will our actions reach (yagiu) the actions of our forefathers". Even if we cannot emulate their actions altogether, let us do our utmost to at least touch (lagaat) them.
UTILIZING YAAKOV'S APPROACH
“Yisrael…offered sacrifices to the G-d of his father Yitzchok” (46:1)
The commentators struggle to explain the phrase "the G-d of his father Yitzchok". Why is no mention made of Avrohom?
Avrohom’s avodas Hashem was based on chesed and bringing people closer to Hashem, whereas Yitzchok’s had the aspect of yiroh and gevuro, which involves focusing more on oneself. Even though Avrohom surely also endeavored to acquire fear of Hashem, and Yitzchok also dealt in chesed, Avrohom’s main avoda concerned chesed and Yitzchok’s dealt with yiroh and gevuro.
Avrohom received no guidance from his father and was completely self-taught. Following investigations about the nature of the universe, he reached the conclusion that there must be a creator, and since the source of his faith was intellectual he continued in his path until he acquired love of Hashem, so that he was strong in his faith and was not afraid to reach out to the wicked and draw them closer to Hashem. Yitzchok’s faith, on the other hand, was based on what his father taught him, and therefore the main aspect of his avoda was fear of Hashem. He dedicated himself to becoming an olo temimo and strengthening himself in his avoda more and more all the time.
For as long as he was in Eretz Yisroel Yaakov ovinu chose the trait of truth, i.e. Torah, in his avodas Hashem (serving of G-d), but when he moved to Egypt, the source of tumoh and immorality, he decided to adopt the path of his father, Yitzchok, by developing ever greater yiras Hashem reasoning that that was the only way he could be saved from the tumoh of Egypt, and he secluded himself in Goshen learning Torah day and night with gevuro (self-discipline and fortitude).
Nowadays the tumoh of Egypt is prevalent everywhere, so that we must adopt the same approach as Yaakov ovinu when he moved to Egypt. Although we should not of course ignore the trait of chesed and charity, and do everything in our power to try to bring our erring brethren back to their source, our avoda must focus primarily on strengthening ourselves in Torah and yiras shomayim.
We have recently been witnessing incitement against Torah Jews, Judaism and Torah values. However, this hatred should not bother us; in fact it is to our benefit. When we were in exile amongst non-Jews, as long as the surrounding environment was that of enmity, or at best neutrality, our spiritual status was not affected, but with the dawn of emancipation and equal rights, large parts of the nation in Western Europe decided to avidly embrace their host cultures. This approach led to total assimilation in many cases, and culminated in the Holocaust one and a half centuries later.
The same applies to our exile amongst yiden in Eretz Yisroel. We have to be forever wary of any attempts by them to assimilate us into their culture. It is far better when their latent enmity towards us becomes manifest: that way they show their true colors, and the weaker elements amongst us will be less tempted to join any elements of their society.
What should bother us though is an advertisement which appeared on the front page of the Hebrew chareidi press last week asking the public for suggestions about how to dispel the separation and hate between us and the secular public and strengthen unity and love.
The Brisker Rov zt”l said that the Nazis killed our bodies, but the Zionists are killing both the bodies (a Yid without Torah is spiritually dead) and the souls of our Sephardi brethren. More recently, about a million people - many of them non-Jews - were imported into the Jewish state from the former Soviet Union with the express purpose of attempting to ensure the continued secular nature of the state. Never mind the fact that many of these non-Jews are anti-Semitic and likely to be a fifth column in a war, the main priority is to maintain the secular nature of the state.
Instead of encouraging unity and love we should follow in Yaakov's footsteps by strengthening our Torah and yiras shomayim with fortitude and looking with disdain at both the non-Jewish elements of society today, which are so reminiscent of Egyptian culture and at those of our brethren who seek to absorb us into their culture, which is so antithetical to that of the Torah. Our erring brethren will disappear off the face of the earth just like their Hellenistic or other “enlightened” predecessors, but Torah Jews will outlive their foes, as they have always done.
THE LANGUAGE OF EMOTION
“Let your servant speak a word in my master’s ears” (44:18) Rashi: "may my words penetrate your ears”.
The Brisker Rov zt”l related that before the war the Polish government enacted a decree requiring everybody to learn Polish and mathematics. The rabbonim considers this to be a grave interference by the government with their internal affairs, and convened a meeting which was attended by all the rabbonim and admorim in order to discuss ways to abolish this decree. The rabbonim decided that the best way to proceed would be to send a delegation of gedolei yisroel to the Minister of Education and explain to him why this matter was of such deep concern to them. None of the rabbonim spoke Polish except for one rov, and it was proposed to send him as a spokesman. However, the Chofetz Chaim zt”l opposed this, arguing that the authorities would be likely to respond: "you see, you can produce enlightened Polish-speaking rabbis, so why are you opposed to our new law?”
Instead, the Chofetz Chaim, who like all the others only spoke Yiddish, offered to be the spokesman himself. When he appeared for the interview with the Minister, he started to speak in Yiddish but quickly burst into uncontrollable tears. Although he did not understand a word of what the Chofetz Chaim was saying, the Minister was much moved. He said that he had not realized that this issue was so important for the rabbis, and assured them that he would issue instructions for the decree to be abolished.
Similarly, Yehuda thought that Yosef did not speak Hebrew, but he decided to speak it nevertheless in the hope that his words would penetrate Yosef’s ears and heart.
EATING OUR OWN WORDS
“"I am Yosef, is my father still alive?" His brothers could not answer him for they were shocked at his presence” (45:3) Medrash:”Woe onto us from the Day of Judgment, woe unto us from the Day of Rebuke! Yosef, the youngest of the tribes [rebuked his brothers and] they were unable to answer him, when Hashem will come and rebuke each individual according to who he is...how much more so [will we not be able to answer].
The Bais Halevi explains that Yosef's statement "is my father still alive?" was made in astonishment and by way of rebuke: "I don't understand how my father can still be alive after all the sorrow he has endured until now because of my absence”. Yehuda had claimed that their father would not be able to live with the anguish of Binyomin’s absence, to which Yosef was now responding: "If that is so, why were you not worried about our father’s sorrow when you sold me?"
The above medrash, adds the Bais Halevi, is to be understood accordingly. In the future the inconsistency of our very own words will also be pointed out to us. For example, if we will be asked why we did not give more charity, and reply that our financial situation did not allow for any greater generosity, the heavenly tribunal will respond by noting how much money we invested forbidden things or even permitted material things - where did we find the money from for those things? Or if we will be asked why we did not spend more time learning, and reply that we were so busy making a living, bringing up a family etc, we will be shown how much time we wasted on stupid or unnecessary things.
THE TEST OF WEALTH
“Tell my father about all my honor in Egypt” (45:13)
Why did Yosef think that Yaakov would be pleased that the Egyptians were honoring him? In truth, Yosef was conveying to his father that even though he enjoyed royal influence he had not abandoned the Torah or the way of life which he had been taught at home, neither during his time as a servant, nor now that he was in a position of power. He wanted to emphasize to Yaakov that he had remained faithful to everything his father stood for and conveyed to him, even in the most trying circumstances.
By contrast, the gemoro in masseches Brochos (32b) brings Moshe Rabbeinu’s argument in defense of the Jewish nation that they had sinned with the Golden Calf due to the abundance of silver and gold which Hashem had showered upon them. In other words, following the test of poverty as slaves in Egypt, which they had withstood admirably, Hashem then tested them with wealth, but this proved too much for them, to such an extent that Hashem wished to destroy the whole nation.
Just two generations ago, just after the end of the Second World War, Rav Mordechai Programanski zt”l told Rav Sternbuch that following the slaughter of millions of Jews, the nation would now be tested with wealth. There was about to be an unprecedented phenomenon: dozens of strictly religious Jewish millionaires, who would be tested to see whether they would use their wealth for the purpose supporting the needy and Torah institutions. If they will pass this test, added Rav Programanski, the redemption will come imminently.
TOPICS OF CONVERSATION
“He said to them, "Do not be troubled along the way” (45:24); Rashi: “Do not become involved in halachic discussion lest the road become a menace to you".
The Brisker Rov zt”l expressed amazement at the righteousness of the tribes. Anyone else in their situation would most likely have discussed the latest astonishing developments of the discovery of Yosef all the way home, but Yosef knew his brothers and their great love of Torah, and that they would not waste their time with stories, but only talk (it says al tisasku - don't delve) in learning. That was why he had to warn them of the perils on the road.
Contemplating how much time valuable time we waste discussing topics that should not concern us, such as politics and current affairs, must make us shudder. It says that we are obliged to say, "When will our actions reach (yagiu) the actions of our forefathers". Even if we cannot emulate their actions altogether, let us do our utmost to at least touch (lagaat) them.
UTILIZING YAAKOV'S APPROACH
“Yisrael…offered sacrifices to the G-d of his father Yitzchok” (46:1)
The commentators struggle to explain the phrase "the G-d of his father Yitzchok". Why is no mention made of Avrohom?
Avrohom’s avodas Hashem was based on chesed and bringing people closer to Hashem, whereas Yitzchok’s had the aspect of yiroh and gevuro, which involves focusing more on oneself. Even though Avrohom surely also endeavored to acquire fear of Hashem, and Yitzchok also dealt in chesed, Avrohom’s main avoda concerned chesed and Yitzchok’s dealt with yiroh and gevuro.
Avrohom received no guidance from his father and was completely self-taught. Following investigations about the nature of the universe, he reached the conclusion that there must be a creator, and since the source of his faith was intellectual he continued in his path until he acquired love of Hashem, so that he was strong in his faith and was not afraid to reach out to the wicked and draw them closer to Hashem. Yitzchok’s faith, on the other hand, was based on what his father taught him, and therefore the main aspect of his avoda was fear of Hashem. He dedicated himself to becoming an olo temimo and strengthening himself in his avoda more and more all the time.
For as long as he was in Eretz Yisroel Yaakov ovinu chose the trait of truth, i.e. Torah, in his avodas Hashem (serving of G-d), but when he moved to Egypt, the source of tumoh and immorality, he decided to adopt the path of his father, Yitzchok, by developing ever greater yiras Hashem reasoning that that was the only way he could be saved from the tumoh of Egypt, and he secluded himself in Goshen learning Torah day and night with gevuro (self-discipline and fortitude).
Nowadays the tumoh of Egypt is prevalent everywhere, so that we must adopt the same approach as Yaakov ovinu when he moved to Egypt. Although we should not of course ignore the trait of chesed and charity, and do everything in our power to try to bring our erring brethren back to their source, our avoda must focus primarily on strengthening ourselves in Torah and yiras shomayim.
We have recently been witnessing incitement against Torah Jews, Judaism and Torah values. However, this hatred should not bother us; in fact it is to our benefit. When we were in exile amongst non-Jews, as long as the surrounding environment was that of enmity, or at best neutrality, our spiritual status was not affected, but with the dawn of emancipation and equal rights, large parts of the nation in Western Europe decided to avidly embrace their host cultures. This approach led to total assimilation in many cases, and culminated in the Holocaust one and a half centuries later.
The same applies to our exile amongst yiden in Eretz Yisroel. We have to be forever wary of any attempts by them to assimilate us into their culture. It is far better when their latent enmity towards us becomes manifest: that way they show their true colors, and the weaker elements amongst us will be less tempted to join any elements of their society.
What should bother us though is an advertisement which appeared on the front page of the Hebrew chareidi press last week asking the public for suggestions about how to dispel the separation and hate between us and the secular public and strengthen unity and love.
The Brisker Rov zt”l said that the Nazis killed our bodies, but the Zionists are killing both the bodies (a Yid without Torah is spiritually dead) and the souls of our Sephardi brethren. More recently, about a million people - many of them non-Jews - were imported into the Jewish state from the former Soviet Union with the express purpose of attempting to ensure the continued secular nature of the state. Never mind the fact that many of these non-Jews are anti-Semitic and likely to be a fifth column in a war, the main priority is to maintain the secular nature of the state.
Instead of encouraging unity and love we should follow in Yaakov's footsteps by strengthening our Torah and yiras shomayim with fortitude and looking with disdain at both the non-Jewish elements of society today, which are so reminiscent of Egyptian culture and at those of our brethren who seek to absorb us into their culture, which is so antithetical to that of the Torah. Our erring brethren will disappear off the face of the earth just like their Hellenistic or other “enlightened” predecessors, but Torah Jews will outlive their foes, as they have always done.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Lessons from Yosef’s conduct
By Rav Moshe Sternbuch
LEVELS OF BITOCHON
“It was at the end of two years” (41:1); Medrash Rabbo: ‘Happy is the man that has made Hashem his trust’, this is Yosef, ‘and has not turned to the arrogant’, because he said to the butler "remember me, and mention me", two years were added [to his prison sentence]”.
Why does the medrash first praise Yosef and then criticize him?
For an ordinary person there would have been nothing wrong in enlisting the help of the butler. In fact it would have been required hishtadlus. (to do our utmost with our own effort to reach a goal) However, for someone with an extremely high level of faith such as Yosef even this minimal effort was excessive. It was precisely because Yosef made Hashem his trust that he was held to account for not living up to his exceptionally high standards, and he had to stay in prison for two more years.
The Vilna Gaon zt”l also had a remarkably high level of faith and would not, for example, consult with doctors. However, once he went to visit a family member who was sick and rebuked him for having failed to call a doctor on the grounds that he was behaving like the Vilna Gaon himself, arguing that if that family member had exerted minimal efforts in all areas of his life, such as making a living, then it would indeed have been praiseworthy to rely totally on Hashem and not call a doctor, but otherwise such behavior was mere laziness and nothing short of a sin.
MORE THAN GIVING DUE CREDIT
“What Hashem is about to do, He has told to Paroh” (41:25).
Throughout the parsha, we find Yosef mentioning Hashem's name repeatedly. This emphasis on his total subjugation to Hashem and his own impotence made a deep impression on Paroh and his servants, as they said (41:38) "Can another one like this be found, a man who has Hashem's spirit in him?”.
The words “be’ezras Hashem” (with the Help of G-d) must be on our lips constantly, both in order to internalize the message of our dependence on Hashem for ourselves, and in order to create a kiddush Hashem, as Yosef did. In truth, it is brought down in the name of the Kelmer Maggid zt”l that be’ezras Hashem implies that we are the active agents and Hashem is merely assisting us, so that a more appropriate phrase would be “birzos Hashem” (if Hashem wills it), which indicates that everything is dependent on Hashem's will, and we are merely performing His will. However, the minhag is not to be particular about use of this phrase.
UTILIZING THE YEARS OF PLENTY
“Now Paroh should seek a man of understanding and wisdom” (41:33).
Rav Elya Lopian zt”l asks why a man of exceptional wisdom and understanding was required for the purpose of gathering food during the good years. One would think that such a task calls for an organized, energetic and industrious person not specifically for an intelligent one.
He explains that during the years of plenty people do not appreciate the need for storing food for the lean years, and you need more than a macher to encourage the population to develop a feeling of hunger during a period of abundance. Only someone with outstanding prescience can fulfill such a task.
Similarly, as long as we are alive in this world we enjoy years of plenty in terms of our possibility to perform mitzvos as opposed to our situation in the World to Come, in which we experience "lean years", because we no longer have the opportunity of performing mitzvos and good deeds. Our task is to acquire the characteristics of a wise and understanding person with foresight who develops psychological strategies to enable him to live with the constant awareness of the need to utilize his time to the utmost and not disdain or postpone any opportunity to learn Torah or perform a mitzvah.
HALOCHO DICTATES
“They hurried him out of the dungeon, but he [first] shaved and changed his clothes” (41:14).
Yosef knew that since he was about to meet royalty he had to shave first. Instead of rushing to meet Paroh and use this opportunity of finally achieving freedom after 14 years in prison, he calmly acted in accordance with the mandates of halocho. Similarly, on the possuk, Yosef saw his brothers and he recognized them, but he acted like a stranger to them. He spoke harshly to them [42:7] Onkelos translates: “and he recognized them and contemplated what to say to them and [then] spoke to them harshly”. For Yosef questions of loshon horo or embarrassing people in public were no less halachik matters than the kashrus of a chicken. Obviously such matters involve greater emotional issues, but that is all the more reason to subject them to the directives of halocho.
Unfortunately, we tend to treat our speech rather lightly, and think nothing of the effect of our words. Often it does not even occur to us that there are halachik issues involved which we have to look into carefully before proceeding to open our mouths and utter potentially lethal words.
After thinking about it, Yosef reached the conclusion that he had to put his brothers in the same situation as they had been when they had sold him, in order to give them the opportunity to achieve complete repentance by behaving differently this time (the Rambam says that only in such situation does one achieve the title of baal teshuva). That is why he tested them to see how they would react to his incarceration of Binyomin, would they be willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their brothers welfare this time?
FORGETTING WITH JOY
“Yosef named the first-born, Menasheh, "For G-d has made me forget all my trouble, and all that was in my father's house” (41:51).
We would have thought that his father's house should have been in his mind constantly, so why did Yosef not only praise Hashem for making him forget his father's house, but commemorate this fact in his son's name?
There is an enigmatic gemoro which states: "what should a person do who wants to live, let him kill himself” (Masseches Tomid 30a). The Brisker Rov zt”l explained this as follows: if a person is suffering emotionally from painful experiences in the past or present he must overcome his emotions ("kill" them) in order to live joyfully and productively in the present. The Brisker Rov himself had lost his wife and three children in the Holocaust and had to witness the anti-religious persecution in Eretz Yisroel in the years following the founding of the Jewish state. It was extremely difficult for anyone with emotion to live through those years. This gemoro addresses any of us suffering from painful past or present experiences and encourages us to refuse to succumb to feelings of despondency or despair.
We find that the same Amora Rabi Yochonon, who lost ten sons during his lifetime and comforted and inspired others with his heroic reaction to misfortune, stated that although he wanted to witness the coming of moshiach, he was unwilling to bear the birth pangs preceding his coming. How could it be that someone who had faced the death of ten of his own children with such fortitude would be afraid of this period? Rav Elya Lopian zt”l answers that Rabi Yochonon was an emotional person by nature, and he knew that he would not be able to endure the terrible chilul Hashem when so many of Hashem's nation would be slaughtered, and to subsequently have to witness the deeds of an anti-religious Jewish government in His country.
In a similar vein, the Sadigure Rebbe zt”l told Rav Sternbuch that when he went to see Rav Elchonon Wasserman zt”l to tell him that he was about to leave the country to go to live in Tel Aviv, Rav Elchonon responded that he himself had grave doubts as to whether his nature would allow him to live in an environment where he would be forced to witness chilul Shabbos by Jews in Eretz Yisroel.
Yosef knew through all those years in Egypt how much his father was suffering terribly, but instead of dwelling on that and on his own anguish at being forcibly separated from his home, he chose to overcome his feelings, knowing that he had to fulfill Paroh’s dream and bring all his family to Egypt, in order to start the beginning of the Egyptian exile that was to lead eventually to the giving of the Torah and the conquest of Eretz Yisroel. With this attitude he managed to lead the Egyptian nation successfully with wisdom. He would not let his spirits fall, and in gratitude to Hashem for this called his son Menashe in the hope that he would continue to be able to forget his father's house for the time being, and continue with his tasks until the opportunity would present itself to meet his father again.
On a related note, any baal teshuva who wants to succeed must first completely forget his past, and think only about the future and building up a Jewish home full of Torah, charity and good deeds, because thinking about past misdemeanors would make it very difficult for him to live joyfully in the present. Part of the mitzvah of teshuva consists in forgetting about the past and living exclusively in the present. Only subsequently, once he has become totally accustomed to living a Torah lifestyle, should he contemplate gradually atoning for past transgressions.
LEVELS OF BITOCHON
“It was at the end of two years” (41:1); Medrash Rabbo: ‘Happy is the man that has made Hashem his trust’, this is Yosef, ‘and has not turned to the arrogant’, because he said to the butler "remember me, and mention me", two years were added [to his prison sentence]”.
Why does the medrash first praise Yosef and then criticize him?
For an ordinary person there would have been nothing wrong in enlisting the help of the butler. In fact it would have been required hishtadlus. (to do our utmost with our own effort to reach a goal) However, for someone with an extremely high level of faith such as Yosef even this minimal effort was excessive. It was precisely because Yosef made Hashem his trust that he was held to account for not living up to his exceptionally high standards, and he had to stay in prison for two more years.
The Vilna Gaon zt”l also had a remarkably high level of faith and would not, for example, consult with doctors. However, once he went to visit a family member who was sick and rebuked him for having failed to call a doctor on the grounds that he was behaving like the Vilna Gaon himself, arguing that if that family member had exerted minimal efforts in all areas of his life, such as making a living, then it would indeed have been praiseworthy to rely totally on Hashem and not call a doctor, but otherwise such behavior was mere laziness and nothing short of a sin.
MORE THAN GIVING DUE CREDIT
“What Hashem is about to do, He has told to Paroh” (41:25).
Throughout the parsha, we find Yosef mentioning Hashem's name repeatedly. This emphasis on his total subjugation to Hashem and his own impotence made a deep impression on Paroh and his servants, as they said (41:38) "Can another one like this be found, a man who has Hashem's spirit in him?”.
The words “be’ezras Hashem” (with the Help of G-d) must be on our lips constantly, both in order to internalize the message of our dependence on Hashem for ourselves, and in order to create a kiddush Hashem, as Yosef did. In truth, it is brought down in the name of the Kelmer Maggid zt”l that be’ezras Hashem implies that we are the active agents and Hashem is merely assisting us, so that a more appropriate phrase would be “birzos Hashem” (if Hashem wills it), which indicates that everything is dependent on Hashem's will, and we are merely performing His will. However, the minhag is not to be particular about use of this phrase.
UTILIZING THE YEARS OF PLENTY
“Now Paroh should seek a man of understanding and wisdom” (41:33).
Rav Elya Lopian zt”l asks why a man of exceptional wisdom and understanding was required for the purpose of gathering food during the good years. One would think that such a task calls for an organized, energetic and industrious person not specifically for an intelligent one.
He explains that during the years of plenty people do not appreciate the need for storing food for the lean years, and you need more than a macher to encourage the population to develop a feeling of hunger during a period of abundance. Only someone with outstanding prescience can fulfill such a task.
Similarly, as long as we are alive in this world we enjoy years of plenty in terms of our possibility to perform mitzvos as opposed to our situation in the World to Come, in which we experience "lean years", because we no longer have the opportunity of performing mitzvos and good deeds. Our task is to acquire the characteristics of a wise and understanding person with foresight who develops psychological strategies to enable him to live with the constant awareness of the need to utilize his time to the utmost and not disdain or postpone any opportunity to learn Torah or perform a mitzvah.
HALOCHO DICTATES
“They hurried him out of the dungeon, but he [first] shaved and changed his clothes” (41:14).
Yosef knew that since he was about to meet royalty he had to shave first. Instead of rushing to meet Paroh and use this opportunity of finally achieving freedom after 14 years in prison, he calmly acted in accordance with the mandates of halocho. Similarly, on the possuk, Yosef saw his brothers and he recognized them, but he acted like a stranger to them. He spoke harshly to them [42:7] Onkelos translates: “and he recognized them and contemplated what to say to them and [then] spoke to them harshly”. For Yosef questions of loshon horo or embarrassing people in public were no less halachik matters than the kashrus of a chicken. Obviously such matters involve greater emotional issues, but that is all the more reason to subject them to the directives of halocho.
Unfortunately, we tend to treat our speech rather lightly, and think nothing of the effect of our words. Often it does not even occur to us that there are halachik issues involved which we have to look into carefully before proceeding to open our mouths and utter potentially lethal words.
After thinking about it, Yosef reached the conclusion that he had to put his brothers in the same situation as they had been when they had sold him, in order to give them the opportunity to achieve complete repentance by behaving differently this time (the Rambam says that only in such situation does one achieve the title of baal teshuva). That is why he tested them to see how they would react to his incarceration of Binyomin, would they be willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their brothers welfare this time?
FORGETTING WITH JOY
“Yosef named the first-born, Menasheh, "For G-d has made me forget all my trouble, and all that was in my father's house” (41:51).
We would have thought that his father's house should have been in his mind constantly, so why did Yosef not only praise Hashem for making him forget his father's house, but commemorate this fact in his son's name?
There is an enigmatic gemoro which states: "what should a person do who wants to live, let him kill himself” (Masseches Tomid 30a). The Brisker Rov zt”l explained this as follows: if a person is suffering emotionally from painful experiences in the past or present he must overcome his emotions ("kill" them) in order to live joyfully and productively in the present. The Brisker Rov himself had lost his wife and three children in the Holocaust and had to witness the anti-religious persecution in Eretz Yisroel in the years following the founding of the Jewish state. It was extremely difficult for anyone with emotion to live through those years. This gemoro addresses any of us suffering from painful past or present experiences and encourages us to refuse to succumb to feelings of despondency or despair.
We find that the same Amora Rabi Yochonon, who lost ten sons during his lifetime and comforted and inspired others with his heroic reaction to misfortune, stated that although he wanted to witness the coming of moshiach, he was unwilling to bear the birth pangs preceding his coming. How could it be that someone who had faced the death of ten of his own children with such fortitude would be afraid of this period? Rav Elya Lopian zt”l answers that Rabi Yochonon was an emotional person by nature, and he knew that he would not be able to endure the terrible chilul Hashem when so many of Hashem's nation would be slaughtered, and to subsequently have to witness the deeds of an anti-religious Jewish government in His country.
In a similar vein, the Sadigure Rebbe zt”l told Rav Sternbuch that when he went to see Rav Elchonon Wasserman zt”l to tell him that he was about to leave the country to go to live in Tel Aviv, Rav Elchonon responded that he himself had grave doubts as to whether his nature would allow him to live in an environment where he would be forced to witness chilul Shabbos by Jews in Eretz Yisroel.
Yosef knew through all those years in Egypt how much his father was suffering terribly, but instead of dwelling on that and on his own anguish at being forcibly separated from his home, he chose to overcome his feelings, knowing that he had to fulfill Paroh’s dream and bring all his family to Egypt, in order to start the beginning of the Egyptian exile that was to lead eventually to the giving of the Torah and the conquest of Eretz Yisroel. With this attitude he managed to lead the Egyptian nation successfully with wisdom. He would not let his spirits fall, and in gratitude to Hashem for this called his son Menashe in the hope that he would continue to be able to forget his father's house for the time being, and continue with his tasks until the opportunity would present itself to meet his father again.
On a related note, any baal teshuva who wants to succeed must first completely forget his past, and think only about the future and building up a Jewish home full of Torah, charity and good deeds, because thinking about past misdemeanors would make it very difficult for him to live joyfully in the present. Part of the mitzvah of teshuva consists in forgetting about the past and living exclusively in the present. Only subsequently, once he has become totally accustomed to living a Torah lifestyle, should he contemplate gradually atoning for past transgressions.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Unfortunate Revelation of an Orthodox Convert
A well known Orthodox Convert to Judaism has just revealed her relationship with a non-Jew. Having been an Orthodox Jew for a number of years, she has just been open about her relationship with this non-Jew.
This creates a number of problems. Although the conversion is valid, it does cause for concern for other would-be Orthodox converts. When we hear something like this, it makes the newcomer to Judaism want to cringe.
The process is hard enough but when people do things that make the Jewish world even more critical of conversions, it makes the conversion process that much more difficult.
We all have an obligation to become the best Jew that we can be. When someone steps outside those boundaries, people begin to question their seriousness!
Any serious convert to Judaism, has to think once, twice and three times about this process and what they hope to do in the future.
Chaim
This creates a number of problems. Although the conversion is valid, it does cause for concern for other would-be Orthodox converts. When we hear something like this, it makes the newcomer to Judaism want to cringe.
The process is hard enough but when people do things that make the Jewish world even more critical of conversions, it makes the conversion process that much more difficult.
We all have an obligation to become the best Jew that we can be. When someone steps outside those boundaries, people begin to question their seriousness!
Any serious convert to Judaism, has to think once, twice and three times about this process and what they hope to do in the future.
Chaim
It's worth the effort
By Rav Moshe Sternbuch
BEYOND THE PICNIC
“And Yaakov settled…” (37:1); Rashi: Yaakov was seeking to live in tranquility, when the troubles of Yosef were thrust upon him. Whenever the righteous seek to live in tranquility, Hashem says, "Is it not sufficient for the righteous to have what has been prepared for them in the World to Come that they should also want to live in tranquility in this world?
Yaakov had already endured much suffering by this stage: he had learnt for fourteen years uninterruptedly without lying down, had spent twenty years with the fraudster Lovon, had met Eisov accompanied by 400 men, and had struggled with the angel. Why then was his desire for tranquility held out against him?
Yaakov ovinu, who was called Yisroel, a servant of E-l, should not have requested tranquility in this world, since that state is reserved for the world to come, whose inhabitants’ spiritual status is more or less static. In this world suffering and challenges are the tools that elevate a person both here and now and in preparation for the next world, where the fruits of those efforts will be enjoyed. The same applies to Yaakov’s descendants.
A bochur once came to Rav Sternbuch’s Rebbe, Rav Moshe Schneider zt”l to ask for a brocho before his wedding. Rav Schneider asked him what brocho he wanted, and he responded that everything should go smoothly in his life and he should have no difficulties. Rav Schneider said that that was no brocho, and blessed him instead that when faced with challenging situations, he should overcome them successfully, and added that living a tranquil existence is not an ideal. For this reason too the serpent’s curse was “dust you shall eat all the days of your life”. Dust is always freely available, and in that itself lies the curse. Something attained effortlessly has no value.
YITZCHOK’S CONVERTS
“…in the land of his father's residence” (ibid)
Chazal derive from this phrase that Yitzchok had been responsible for producing converts. We know that Avrohom, who epitomized the trait of chesed, brought many people closer to Hashem, but our image of Yitzchok is that of a holy self-contained individual, so how are we to understand this statement of Chazal?
Rav Moshe Schneider zt”l noted that there are two types of righteous individuals. Some, like Avrohom, actively engage in various public activities to disseminate yiddishkeit, whereas others, like Yitzchok, have an influence by virtue of their very avodoh performed with dedication and gevuroh (self-sacrifice). Yitzchok, unlike his father, did not travel from place to place and actively spread the Word of Hashem, but he still managed to create converts, because his very avodoh exuded holiness and truth and had an immense influence on those who witnessed it.
Similarly, neither the Vilna Gaon zt”l nor the Chazon Ish zt”l had yeshivas, kehillos, or many students, but their incomparable influence for all future generations was due to the force of their holy personalities and way of life, which inspired anybody who met them or heard about them, and created a strong desire to emulate their deeds.
In truth, all of Yitzchok’s descendants, and not only his exceptionally righteous or famous ones, must be aware of the power of their private actions, even if they remain unknown to others. Each time any yid overcomes his yetzer horo - and the greater the effort required to do so the greater the result achieved - to learn Torah or perform a mitzvah or good deed, he or she increases kedusho (holiness) in the entire universe and beyond, thus enhancing the spiritual atmosphere in our world and making it easier for other yidden to do the same and bringing the not-yet religious that much closer to Hashem and his Torah.
CREATING ARKS IN SPIRITUAL DELUGES
“For he was a son of his old age” (37:3) Rashi: Onkelos translates it: "He was a wise son to him, because everything that Yaakov had learned from Sheim and Eiver, he transmitted to Yosef.
Yaakov himself learned Torah from his father and grandfather. Would it not have been sufficient to transmit this Torah to Yosef?
Sheim lived in the generation of the mabul (flood) and Eiver in the dor haflogo (the generation which was dispersed following the building of the tower of bovel), in other words they were both surrounded by wicked people and therefore had to lead a secluded existence. The Torah of Sheim and Eiver refers to the conduct required to maintain one's righteousness in an atmosphere of total wickedness without being affected by one’s surroundings.
Yaakov Ovinu knew through ruach hakodesh (divine inspiration) that Yosef would be faced with difficult challenges in Egypt and therefore taught him specifically that that even if he finds himself in an environment consisting only of wicked individuals, he had to imagine that he was the only person alive in the world and still fulfill his duties to the Creator.
Unfortunately, most of us cannot shut ourselves off entirely from elements that are reminiscent of the society in which Yosef would have to spend most of his life, so this Torah of Sheim and Eiver, which teaches us to seclude ourselves either physically, or at least intellectually and emotionally, from moral depravity, is of great relevance for us too. Moreover, on the national level, we as bnei Torah, must also make sure not to let the harangues of our ignorant brethren against Torah learning or leading a Torah lifestyle affect us or our children.
CHANOCH LANA’AR AL PI DARKO
“And he made him a colorful coat” (ibid)
The obvious question is why Yaakov would want to provoke the jealousy of his other sons by showing extra love to Yosef? The Chasam Sofer zt”l explains that Yaakov wanted to demonstrate to his sons that Yosef was a bit different to them and his nature was such that he needed to wear nice clothes. For this reason too, he spent more time learning with him, because he needed that extra bit of attention to keep him on the right spiritual track.
ARTIFICIAL DISPUTES
“Come, I will send you to them” (37:13)
Why did Yaakov, who knew of his brothers’ hatred towards him, send Yosef to meet them in a secluded place without worrying for the well-being of his beloved son?
Yaakov sent him in the hope that Yosef would understand that Yaakov was concerned for them and loved them, and in order to prove to him and to the brothers that he had no bad feelings towards them. However, even before they had a chance to meet, the brothers saw him from a distance, and before he even approached them they plotted against him to kill him. That was the great tragedy in the sale of Yosef: they did not even want to speak to him, and so the chance for a dialogue was missed.
The mishna in Ovos (5:17) cites the machlokes between Hilel and Shamay as being a dispute for the sake of Heaven. The disputes between Beis Hillel and Beis Shamay were not personal disputes between two different camps, but were rather exclusively concerned with matters of halocho. On the other hand, the mishna continues that the machlokes of Korach and all his congregation was not for the sake of Heaven. Korach and Moshe themselves might have been able to come to an agreement, but once Korach’s congregation got involved, who were not interested in peace, the whole dispute became one that was not for the sake of Heaven.
Nowadays too disputes between two Rebbes can be sorted out between them, but once their followers join in it becomes a machlokes shelo lesheim shomayim. Similarly, many initially minor disputes that could have easily been settled at an early stage develop into major conflagarations once "friends" on both sides join the fray and create a seemingly irreparable chasm between the parties.
SIGNING OUR OWN DECREES
“Please recognize to whom this signet (chosemes)” (38:25)
When a person is brought to be judged by the heavenly tribunal after he passes away, he is not introduced as ploni the son of ploni. Instead, the good angels he has created as a result of performing mitzvos, as well as the mal’ochei chabolo (destructive angels) created following the commission of sins are brought before him, and he is told “please recognize these angels”, and he recognizes them and signs (chosem) his own judgment.
A SEFER TORAH OF GOOD DEEDS
He would not listen to her, to lie next to her, nor to be with her” (39:10) whoever commits one sin in this world it envelops him and goes before him in the Day of Judgment…Rabi says, it remains connected to him like a dog, as it says, to lie next to her, in this world, nor to be with her in the world to come (Masseches Soto 3b)
The Chofetz Chaim zt”l explains that a person's sins accompany him to the next world, so that wherever he is, he is seen together with her and she envelops him and accompanies him to the Day of Judgment. He concludes (at the end of Shem Olom) that anybody who contemplates this thought for a moment must shudder at the thought that all his actions both bein odom lemokom and interpersonal matters, which are performed in secret, or even in the recesses of his heart, will be revealed to all eventually, and the depth of divine judgment should act as a spur in all our actions in this world.
It is also brought down in the name of the Chofetz Chaim that the telephone and movies were invented specifically for these final generations in which faith has been weakened, and the maskilim mock statements in Chazal about the heavenly "seeing eye”, which records everything for posterity, which cannot be subsequently denied, so that we now have some concrete idea about how even in this world at least our physical actions are recorded for anyone to see.
Anyone who resists temptation for no ulterior motive, such as fear, or the desire for honor, but merely to fulfill the will of Hashem, fulfils the greatest mitzvah of sanctifying the divine name (see Rambam Yesodei Hatorah 5:10). Moreover, it says in Yalkut Shimoni that in the past a person who performed a mitzvah would have his deeds recorded by the prophets, but now that there are no more prophets Eliyohu and moshiach record his deeds and Hashem Himself kivyochol signs.
Sometimes a person passes away and he or she may have accomplished much during their lifetime, either in the public sphere by dedicating themselves to the material or spiritual welfare of klal yisroel or in the private sphere in the form of victories against their yetzer horo, but they leave nothing obvious behind them to eternalize them, such as an important sefer. The medrash makes it clear that in the future such people will have the privilege of having their names recorded in a commemorative book, which will be read by everybody like a sefer Torah.
BEYOND THE PICNIC
“And Yaakov settled…” (37:1); Rashi: Yaakov was seeking to live in tranquility, when the troubles of Yosef were thrust upon him. Whenever the righteous seek to live in tranquility, Hashem says, "Is it not sufficient for the righteous to have what has been prepared for them in the World to Come that they should also want to live in tranquility in this world?
Yaakov had already endured much suffering by this stage: he had learnt for fourteen years uninterruptedly without lying down, had spent twenty years with the fraudster Lovon, had met Eisov accompanied by 400 men, and had struggled with the angel. Why then was his desire for tranquility held out against him?
Yaakov ovinu, who was called Yisroel, a servant of E-l, should not have requested tranquility in this world, since that state is reserved for the world to come, whose inhabitants’ spiritual status is more or less static. In this world suffering and challenges are the tools that elevate a person both here and now and in preparation for the next world, where the fruits of those efforts will be enjoyed. The same applies to Yaakov’s descendants.
A bochur once came to Rav Sternbuch’s Rebbe, Rav Moshe Schneider zt”l to ask for a brocho before his wedding. Rav Schneider asked him what brocho he wanted, and he responded that everything should go smoothly in his life and he should have no difficulties. Rav Schneider said that that was no brocho, and blessed him instead that when faced with challenging situations, he should overcome them successfully, and added that living a tranquil existence is not an ideal. For this reason too the serpent’s curse was “dust you shall eat all the days of your life”. Dust is always freely available, and in that itself lies the curse. Something attained effortlessly has no value.
YITZCHOK’S CONVERTS
“…in the land of his father's residence” (ibid)
Chazal derive from this phrase that Yitzchok had been responsible for producing converts. We know that Avrohom, who epitomized the trait of chesed, brought many people closer to Hashem, but our image of Yitzchok is that of a holy self-contained individual, so how are we to understand this statement of Chazal?
Rav Moshe Schneider zt”l noted that there are two types of righteous individuals. Some, like Avrohom, actively engage in various public activities to disseminate yiddishkeit, whereas others, like Yitzchok, have an influence by virtue of their very avodoh performed with dedication and gevuroh (self-sacrifice). Yitzchok, unlike his father, did not travel from place to place and actively spread the Word of Hashem, but he still managed to create converts, because his very avodoh exuded holiness and truth and had an immense influence on those who witnessed it.
Similarly, neither the Vilna Gaon zt”l nor the Chazon Ish zt”l had yeshivas, kehillos, or many students, but their incomparable influence for all future generations was due to the force of their holy personalities and way of life, which inspired anybody who met them or heard about them, and created a strong desire to emulate their deeds.
In truth, all of Yitzchok’s descendants, and not only his exceptionally righteous or famous ones, must be aware of the power of their private actions, even if they remain unknown to others. Each time any yid overcomes his yetzer horo - and the greater the effort required to do so the greater the result achieved - to learn Torah or perform a mitzvah or good deed, he or she increases kedusho (holiness) in the entire universe and beyond, thus enhancing the spiritual atmosphere in our world and making it easier for other yidden to do the same and bringing the not-yet religious that much closer to Hashem and his Torah.
CREATING ARKS IN SPIRITUAL DELUGES
“For he was a son of his old age” (37:3) Rashi: Onkelos translates it: "He was a wise son to him, because everything that Yaakov had learned from Sheim and Eiver, he transmitted to Yosef.
Yaakov himself learned Torah from his father and grandfather. Would it not have been sufficient to transmit this Torah to Yosef?
Sheim lived in the generation of the mabul (flood) and Eiver in the dor haflogo (the generation which was dispersed following the building of the tower of bovel), in other words they were both surrounded by wicked people and therefore had to lead a secluded existence. The Torah of Sheim and Eiver refers to the conduct required to maintain one's righteousness in an atmosphere of total wickedness without being affected by one’s surroundings.
Yaakov Ovinu knew through ruach hakodesh (divine inspiration) that Yosef would be faced with difficult challenges in Egypt and therefore taught him specifically that that even if he finds himself in an environment consisting only of wicked individuals, he had to imagine that he was the only person alive in the world and still fulfill his duties to the Creator.
Unfortunately, most of us cannot shut ourselves off entirely from elements that are reminiscent of the society in which Yosef would have to spend most of his life, so this Torah of Sheim and Eiver, which teaches us to seclude ourselves either physically, or at least intellectually and emotionally, from moral depravity, is of great relevance for us too. Moreover, on the national level, we as bnei Torah, must also make sure not to let the harangues of our ignorant brethren against Torah learning or leading a Torah lifestyle affect us or our children.
CHANOCH LANA’AR AL PI DARKO
“And he made him a colorful coat” (ibid)
The obvious question is why Yaakov would want to provoke the jealousy of his other sons by showing extra love to Yosef? The Chasam Sofer zt”l explains that Yaakov wanted to demonstrate to his sons that Yosef was a bit different to them and his nature was such that he needed to wear nice clothes. For this reason too, he spent more time learning with him, because he needed that extra bit of attention to keep him on the right spiritual track.
ARTIFICIAL DISPUTES
“Come, I will send you to them” (37:13)
Why did Yaakov, who knew of his brothers’ hatred towards him, send Yosef to meet them in a secluded place without worrying for the well-being of his beloved son?
Yaakov sent him in the hope that Yosef would understand that Yaakov was concerned for them and loved them, and in order to prove to him and to the brothers that he had no bad feelings towards them. However, even before they had a chance to meet, the brothers saw him from a distance, and before he even approached them they plotted against him to kill him. That was the great tragedy in the sale of Yosef: they did not even want to speak to him, and so the chance for a dialogue was missed.
The mishna in Ovos (5:17) cites the machlokes between Hilel and Shamay as being a dispute for the sake of Heaven. The disputes between Beis Hillel and Beis Shamay were not personal disputes between two different camps, but were rather exclusively concerned with matters of halocho. On the other hand, the mishna continues that the machlokes of Korach and all his congregation was not for the sake of Heaven. Korach and Moshe themselves might have been able to come to an agreement, but once Korach’s congregation got involved, who were not interested in peace, the whole dispute became one that was not for the sake of Heaven.
Nowadays too disputes between two Rebbes can be sorted out between them, but once their followers join in it becomes a machlokes shelo lesheim shomayim. Similarly, many initially minor disputes that could have easily been settled at an early stage develop into major conflagarations once "friends" on both sides join the fray and create a seemingly irreparable chasm between the parties.
SIGNING OUR OWN DECREES
“Please recognize to whom this signet (chosemes)” (38:25)
When a person is brought to be judged by the heavenly tribunal after he passes away, he is not introduced as ploni the son of ploni. Instead, the good angels he has created as a result of performing mitzvos, as well as the mal’ochei chabolo (destructive angels) created following the commission of sins are brought before him, and he is told “please recognize these angels”, and he recognizes them and signs (chosem) his own judgment.
A SEFER TORAH OF GOOD DEEDS
He would not listen to her, to lie next to her, nor to be with her” (39:10) whoever commits one sin in this world it envelops him and goes before him in the Day of Judgment…Rabi says, it remains connected to him like a dog, as it says, to lie next to her, in this world, nor to be with her in the world to come (Masseches Soto 3b)
The Chofetz Chaim zt”l explains that a person's sins accompany him to the next world, so that wherever he is, he is seen together with her and she envelops him and accompanies him to the Day of Judgment. He concludes (at the end of Shem Olom) that anybody who contemplates this thought for a moment must shudder at the thought that all his actions both bein odom lemokom and interpersonal matters, which are performed in secret, or even in the recesses of his heart, will be revealed to all eventually, and the depth of divine judgment should act as a spur in all our actions in this world.
It is also brought down in the name of the Chofetz Chaim that the telephone and movies were invented specifically for these final generations in which faith has been weakened, and the maskilim mock statements in Chazal about the heavenly "seeing eye”, which records everything for posterity, which cannot be subsequently denied, so that we now have some concrete idea about how even in this world at least our physical actions are recorded for anyone to see.
Anyone who resists temptation for no ulterior motive, such as fear, or the desire for honor, but merely to fulfill the will of Hashem, fulfils the greatest mitzvah of sanctifying the divine name (see Rambam Yesodei Hatorah 5:10). Moreover, it says in Yalkut Shimoni that in the past a person who performed a mitzvah would have his deeds recorded by the prophets, but now that there are no more prophets Eliyohu and moshiach record his deeds and Hashem Himself kivyochol signs.
Sometimes a person passes away and he or she may have accomplished much during their lifetime, either in the public sphere by dedicating themselves to the material or spiritual welfare of klal yisroel or in the private sphere in the form of victories against their yetzer horo, but they leave nothing obvious behind them to eternalize them, such as an important sefer. The medrash makes it clear that in the future such people will have the privilege of having their names recorded in a commemorative book, which will be read by everybody like a sefer Torah.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Rav Sternbuch Ask the Raavad
A Silver Menorah for the Chosson
Question: My oldest daughter just became
a kallah and we heard that we should buy our new chosson a silver Chanukah menorah. Does Rav Sternbuch think that this is the correct hanhagah?
Rabbi Gershon Unger
Answer: If you can afford to buy your chosson a silver menorah, it is certainly a good idea to do so, for it expresses chavivus for the chosson and it is a hiddur in the mitzvah. If it is financially difficult for you, then you should not strain yourself and buy him a silver menorah.
LIGHTING WITHOUT A MENORAH
The Raavad had a son who was called “Rav Yitzchok Sagi Nahor” (literally blind), who
was a great mekubal. Rav Yitzchok, in Kuntres Sod Hadlokas Neiros Chanukah, ruled that the menorah plays an integral part of the mitzvah of hadlokas neiros Chanukah. The Avnei Nezer (Orach Chaim 500) and the Chessed L’Avrohom (grandfather of the Chidah, as cited in Kaf Hachaim 673:60) cite this understanding as the halacha, and they write that one who does not use a menorah - e.g., he merely lights wax candles on a stone surface - does not fulfill the mitzvah properly.
In order to fulfill the requirement to light in a utensil, one does not have to use a
menorah. Someone who lights olive oil in shot glasses is also considered to have lit
in a kli. However, it is preferable to use an actual menorah, since this is how the
avodah was performed in the Bais Hamikdosh.
However, the Gemara and Shulchan Aruch do not mention that one must have a
menorah to fulfill the mitzvah. According to most opinions, including the Mishnah Berurah (671:18), this is considered to be the halacha. Therefore, one fulfills his obligation even if he does not use a menorah.
At the end of Kuntres Sod Hadlokas Neiros Chanukah, Rav Yitzchok Sagi Nahor notes
that Chazal say that whoever is careful regarding neiros Chanukah will have children who are talmidei chachomim. Yet, many people light Chanukah candles and do not merit such children.
Rav Yitzchok explains that the promise of Chazal only applies to someone who lights
according to all of the hiddurim and is careful to avoid all questionable situations. Let us look at some of the details of hiddur mitzvah regarding the Chanukah lights.
BEAUTIFYING THE MITZVAH
The Mishnah Berurah rules: “A person should go out of his way to acquire a beautiful
menorah and candles” (Mishnah Berurah 673:28). The Mishnah Berurah implies that,
according to all opinions, it is considered to be a hiddur (beautify) to use a beautiful menorah, similar to a beautiful paroches being a hiddur for a Sefer Torah. What is considered a beautiful menorah?
The poskim inform us which types of menorahs are considered to be the most attractive. Precious metals are the most beautiful. Therefore, silver is the first choice. After that come cheaper metals that look like precious ones (golden brass followed by red brass, iron, tin and then lead). If one cannot obtain a metal menorah, one may use less expensive materials, such as glass, wood, bone, lead-lined pottery or even pottery. Therefore, if you can afford to purchase a silver menorah for your chosson, it is certainly an appropriate gift. However, since one certainly fulfills the mitzvah without a silver menorah, a person should not put himself into financial strain to buy one for himself or his
chosson.
OLIVE OIL
The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 673:1) rules that “all types of wicks and oils are kosher for Chanukah lights, even if the oil will not be drawn up to the wick and the light of the flame will not be held steadily by the wick. However, the best way to fulfill the mitzvah is with olive oil.”
Olive oil adds a special dimension to Chanukah lights. The Mishnah Berurah (673:4) explains that as one of the purest oils, olive oil is smoothly drawn up the wick, producing a beautiful flame. At the same time, it provides us with a direct reminder of the original miracle - the olive oil that lasted eight days (Levush and Pri Chodosh).
The Gemara (Shabbos 23a) says that all types of oil are appropriate for the
Chanukah ner. We know that in the wording of Chazal, ner usually refers to the candle
holder and not the actual light. If the beautification of using olive oil is in the lights, why does the Gemara mention the ner and not the actual Chanukah lights?
This Gemara can be understood according to the opinions that the menorah is part of the mitzvah. According to this understanding, the olive oil and the menorah join together to produce the mitzvah. Since the olive oil beautifies the menorah and the menorah helps beautify the olive oil, the Gemara states that olive oil
Question: My oldest daughter just became
a kallah and we heard that we should buy our new chosson a silver Chanukah menorah. Does Rav Sternbuch think that this is the correct hanhagah?
Rabbi Gershon Unger
Answer: If you can afford to buy your chosson a silver menorah, it is certainly a good idea to do so, for it expresses chavivus for the chosson and it is a hiddur in the mitzvah. If it is financially difficult for you, then you should not strain yourself and buy him a silver menorah.
LIGHTING WITHOUT A MENORAH
The Raavad had a son who was called “Rav Yitzchok Sagi Nahor” (literally blind), who
was a great mekubal. Rav Yitzchok, in Kuntres Sod Hadlokas Neiros Chanukah, ruled that the menorah plays an integral part of the mitzvah of hadlokas neiros Chanukah. The Avnei Nezer (Orach Chaim 500) and the Chessed L’Avrohom (grandfather of the Chidah, as cited in Kaf Hachaim 673:60) cite this understanding as the halacha, and they write that one who does not use a menorah - e.g., he merely lights wax candles on a stone surface - does not fulfill the mitzvah properly.
In order to fulfill the requirement to light in a utensil, one does not have to use a
menorah. Someone who lights olive oil in shot glasses is also considered to have lit
in a kli. However, it is preferable to use an actual menorah, since this is how the
avodah was performed in the Bais Hamikdosh.
However, the Gemara and Shulchan Aruch do not mention that one must have a
menorah to fulfill the mitzvah. According to most opinions, including the Mishnah Berurah (671:18), this is considered to be the halacha. Therefore, one fulfills his obligation even if he does not use a menorah.
At the end of Kuntres Sod Hadlokas Neiros Chanukah, Rav Yitzchok Sagi Nahor notes
that Chazal say that whoever is careful regarding neiros Chanukah will have children who are talmidei chachomim. Yet, many people light Chanukah candles and do not merit such children.
Rav Yitzchok explains that the promise of Chazal only applies to someone who lights
according to all of the hiddurim and is careful to avoid all questionable situations. Let us look at some of the details of hiddur mitzvah regarding the Chanukah lights.
BEAUTIFYING THE MITZVAH
The Mishnah Berurah rules: “A person should go out of his way to acquire a beautiful
menorah and candles” (Mishnah Berurah 673:28). The Mishnah Berurah implies that,
according to all opinions, it is considered to be a hiddur (beautify) to use a beautiful menorah, similar to a beautiful paroches being a hiddur for a Sefer Torah. What is considered a beautiful menorah?
The poskim inform us which types of menorahs are considered to be the most attractive. Precious metals are the most beautiful. Therefore, silver is the first choice. After that come cheaper metals that look like precious ones (golden brass followed by red brass, iron, tin and then lead). If one cannot obtain a metal menorah, one may use less expensive materials, such as glass, wood, bone, lead-lined pottery or even pottery. Therefore, if you can afford to purchase a silver menorah for your chosson, it is certainly an appropriate gift. However, since one certainly fulfills the mitzvah without a silver menorah, a person should not put himself into financial strain to buy one for himself or his
chosson.
OLIVE OIL
The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 673:1) rules that “all types of wicks and oils are kosher for Chanukah lights, even if the oil will not be drawn up to the wick and the light of the flame will not be held steadily by the wick. However, the best way to fulfill the mitzvah is with olive oil.”
Olive oil adds a special dimension to Chanukah lights. The Mishnah Berurah (673:4) explains that as one of the purest oils, olive oil is smoothly drawn up the wick, producing a beautiful flame. At the same time, it provides us with a direct reminder of the original miracle - the olive oil that lasted eight days (Levush and Pri Chodosh).
The Gemara (Shabbos 23a) says that all types of oil are appropriate for the
Chanukah ner. We know that in the wording of Chazal, ner usually refers to the candle
holder and not the actual light. If the beautification of using olive oil is in the lights, why does the Gemara mention the ner and not the actual Chanukah lights?
This Gemara can be understood according to the opinions that the menorah is part of the mitzvah. According to this understanding, the olive oil and the menorah join together to produce the mitzvah. Since the olive oil beautifies the menorah and the menorah helps beautify the olive oil, the Gemara states that olive oil
Ask the Raavad
Question: My wife’s cousin (her father’s sister’s daughter) passed away on Tuesday.What is the halacha in regards to attending a bar mitzvah gathering of a close friend on the upcoming Motzoei Shabbos and the wedding of her niece’s daughter on Sunday night?
Thank you.
Leib S.
Answer: According to the Rama, the halachos of aveilus that apply for thirty days (shloshim) are also practiced for cousins and uncles, as well as any other relative who one is forbidden to testify with (pesulei eidus). However, this type of semi-aveilus only applies until Motzoei Shabbos, and since your wife’s simchos are after Shabbos, she is permitted to attend both of them.
EXTENDED MOURNERS
The Gemara says that anyone who a person mourns for - i.e., you will be in
mourning when that person passes away - one should join them in their mourning (Moed Kotton 20b). According to these words of Chazal, if a person’s grandfather passes away, the grandson should sit shivah together with his father or mother. Although the Shulchan Aruch cites this Gemara as the halacha, the Rama writes that the reason for this halacha is to honor those who are mourning, and the mourners are mochel this today and only the actual mourners sit shivah.
In fact, Rishonim note that if a person would keep this aveilus today, he would be considered to be making fun of the other mourners (Shach citing Hagahos Mordechai,
Moed Katan 20a). For this reason, the Rama writes that anyone who is stringent in regards to this halacha is considered to be from the matmihim (absurd) (Rama 374:6).
Thus, it is forbidden for the other relatives to sit shivah with these mourners. However, the Rama mentions that there are some halachos of aveilus relevant for
any relative who is a pasul le’eidus, i.e., one whom it is forbidden to give testimony with. This includes sheini besheini, second generation relatives, such as cousins and uncles. According to some opinions, it applies to shlishi berishon, i.e., third-generation relatives, such as great-uncles.
Why should one become a mourner if he is not obligated? Some explain that this is in deference to the honor of the deceased (Terumas Hadeshen 291 as cited by Darchei Moshe), while others explain that this is to pay honor to the other mourners (Ponim Meiros as cited in Pischei Teshuvah 374:4). Let us look at this type of mourning and try to understand what it entails.
MOURNING UNTIL MOTZOEI SHABBOS
The guidelines of this aveilusz (mourning) are different than other types of mourning, and one unusual aspect of this mourning is its time span. No matter when the mourning starts, it always ends on the same day. One starts from time of burial, and once Shabbos arrives, this mourning ends.
We have already established that some say that the reason for this aveilus is to honor the mourners. Based on this, some opinions say that if the mourners are sitting shivah in a different city, one is not obligated to keep these halachos. However, lemaaseh we view this as honor for the deceased, and these halachos are followed even in another city (Pischei Teshuvah 374:4).
Another important aspect of this mourning is that one only needs to keep the halachos
that are applicable on all thirty days of aveilus, such as washing, haircuts, and
going to weddings. Halachos that are only applicable during the first seven days -
e.g., not wearing shoes, wearing clothes of mourning, and not leaving the house - are
not applicable (Terumas Hadeshen 291, Rama ibid.).
THE BOTTOM LINE
The bottom line regarding the question posed is that a cousin passing away is sufficient reason to rule that one should not go to a bar mitzvah, wedding or any other joyous gathering. However, in your case, since your wife’s cousin passed away before Shabbos, she may attend the bar mitzvah and the wedding, which are after Shabbos. Some readers may think to themselves, “I never heard that this mourning existed before.” In fact, the Aruch Hashulchan writes that in some places, the custom is not to keep this. However, once the Rama has ruled that one should keep these halachos
Thank you.
Leib S.
Answer: According to the Rama, the halachos of aveilus that apply for thirty days (shloshim) are also practiced for cousins and uncles, as well as any other relative who one is forbidden to testify with (pesulei eidus). However, this type of semi-aveilus only applies until Motzoei Shabbos, and since your wife’s simchos are after Shabbos, she is permitted to attend both of them.
EXTENDED MOURNERS
The Gemara says that anyone who a person mourns for - i.e., you will be in
mourning when that person passes away - one should join them in their mourning (Moed Kotton 20b). According to these words of Chazal, if a person’s grandfather passes away, the grandson should sit shivah together with his father or mother. Although the Shulchan Aruch cites this Gemara as the halacha, the Rama writes that the reason for this halacha is to honor those who are mourning, and the mourners are mochel this today and only the actual mourners sit shivah.
In fact, Rishonim note that if a person would keep this aveilus today, he would be considered to be making fun of the other mourners (Shach citing Hagahos Mordechai,
Moed Katan 20a). For this reason, the Rama writes that anyone who is stringent in regards to this halacha is considered to be from the matmihim (absurd) (Rama 374:6).
Thus, it is forbidden for the other relatives to sit shivah with these mourners. However, the Rama mentions that there are some halachos of aveilus relevant for
any relative who is a pasul le’eidus, i.e., one whom it is forbidden to give testimony with. This includes sheini besheini, second generation relatives, such as cousins and uncles. According to some opinions, it applies to shlishi berishon, i.e., third-generation relatives, such as great-uncles.
Why should one become a mourner if he is not obligated? Some explain that this is in deference to the honor of the deceased (Terumas Hadeshen 291 as cited by Darchei Moshe), while others explain that this is to pay honor to the other mourners (Ponim Meiros as cited in Pischei Teshuvah 374:4). Let us look at this type of mourning and try to understand what it entails.
MOURNING UNTIL MOTZOEI SHABBOS
The guidelines of this aveilusz (mourning) are different than other types of mourning, and one unusual aspect of this mourning is its time span. No matter when the mourning starts, it always ends on the same day. One starts from time of burial, and once Shabbos arrives, this mourning ends.
We have already established that some say that the reason for this aveilus is to honor the mourners. Based on this, some opinions say that if the mourners are sitting shivah in a different city, one is not obligated to keep these halachos. However, lemaaseh we view this as honor for the deceased, and these halachos are followed even in another city (Pischei Teshuvah 374:4).
Another important aspect of this mourning is that one only needs to keep the halachos
that are applicable on all thirty days of aveilus, such as washing, haircuts, and
going to weddings. Halachos that are only applicable during the first seven days -
e.g., not wearing shoes, wearing clothes of mourning, and not leaving the house - are
not applicable (Terumas Hadeshen 291, Rama ibid.).
THE BOTTOM LINE
The bottom line regarding the question posed is that a cousin passing away is sufficient reason to rule that one should not go to a bar mitzvah, wedding or any other joyous gathering. However, in your case, since your wife’s cousin passed away before Shabbos, she may attend the bar mitzvah and the wedding, which are after Shabbos. Some readers may think to themselves, “I never heard that this mourning existed before.” In fact, the Aruch Hashulchan writes that in some places, the custom is not to keep this. However, once the Rama has ruled that one should keep these halachos
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